Sometimes it's hard to see the every day miracles God presents to us. Or, we see some good things come our way and are convinced they are God's hand and we jump on it without hesitation.
Then, we're left feeling stupid and foolish when they turn out to be something completely different and we were convinced we were doing the right thing.
I have been desperately looking for an apartment. Well, long story short, after much prayer, I came across a house for rent in Bethesda 2 miles from work! It was absolutely amazing. Great price, location, neighborhood and a couple who owned it and were doing mission work in Africa! So, not only was I praying about it, but this couple was very frank in saying they wanted a Christian tenant. Duh. I'm pulling the stupid card. All the signs should have led me to the fact that this was a scam. I was so "blinded by the light" that I saw this as an answer to my prayers and jumped on it. At that point, I didn't seek prayer, I started to act on my own. Bingo.
Thankfully, they didn't end up getting my money, but they got my dignity and happiness. For a short time. I was crushed. Not only was I back to square 1 and I did not have a place to live, but my faith was shaken as well. Lucky for me, I have great friends. Some that can take me to the DFAC and forget my problems. Some that will talk to me for hours on the phone from thousands of miles away and some that help me restore my faith.
Basically, I'm tired. I'm tired of believing, jumping head over heals over something that is not real.
This, of course, happens with men as well. Why is it that we get something in our head and with the help of people encouraging us or a smile from that person, and all of a sudden in our heads that is the perfect match for us. At this point, you might as well give up. Even if you know deep down that it's not going to happen and for good reason, you can't help holding onto this small amount of hope for true love.
Then, yet again, they get my dignity and happiness.
Do either of these people in this situation deserve that of me?? NO. Why do I let it happen? Why do I jump in my head and heart so fast that I end up getting hurt. The problem isn't that I don't trust others. I don't think I can trust myself. What do you do when that happens? ha. Maybe they can lock me in a padded cell. They could give me some crayons and blank paper. Then, I'd be afraid I'd draw something beautiful and imagine it became a famous work of art. It, of course, wouldn't....and I would be left crushed without my dignity and happiness....in a padded cell.
Good news to the end of this post. While I'm still trying to work through jumping before God is ready for me to jump and getting my own hopes up for love, I know now I will be moving back into the Grand Apartments in North Bethesda. A pretty sweet place to live.
(That has a funny story too) They normally don't do 9 month leases, but the leasing agent is one of the former front desk clerks from when I lived there before and he recognized my name and how kind I was to him and talked his manager into doing it for me! Small acts of kindness may come back to reward you in the end.
That did bring back my dignity and happiness. :)
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