After finishing the book, this is what my idea of Heaven will be for me.
I wake up in a sleeping bag that feels like my sister's califonia king, with Patton by my side...but he's not shedding. I'm camping on the side of the Guadalupe River in Texas Hill Country. There are no mosquitoes.
Jesus walks up to me, wearing Hurley swim trunks and teva flip flops. "Candice, the water is the perfect temperature and I've got some cold Shiner all packed up in the cooler! Let's go tubing!" I contemplate what I have to do....no work. no school. Jesus? Sunshine? Tubing? Shiner? (Non alcoholic of course..)Hells yes! We grab our tubes and they don't burn our thighs. Drop them down in the water and he's right! It's the perfect temperature! No freezing Guadalupe water.
We pull out the ipod and player (no worries for it getting messed up in the water) and start jamming. After a little ways, we see some of my friends on the shore up ahead! They all shout out to me and start shooting me with some water guns. (This may all sound familiar because we did do this....it was a piece of heaven) They grab their tubes and jump in with us. We're snacking, drinking some shiner and even though it's non alcoholic, I have the best high in the world. I have no cares. No stresses. I'm hanging out with Jesus and my best friends.
We ask Him questions we've always wanted to know....like why did you let my heart get broken? Why did Grandpa die before I even got to meet him? How come angles were cast into hell by choosing Lucifer over Christ if they did not have free will? (I've ALWAYS wanted to know that one) We fellowship and He talks with us and soothes our soul.
At one point, Jesus drops in the water and flips my tube over. This starts a huge water fight with all of us until we're all in the water and tired. We decide to stop along the side and build a campfire.
That night, we have the most amazing smores I've ever tasted and our fire is warm and big, without all the smoke and repeating "I hate white rabits". Jesus pull out his guitar and sounds like all my favorites rolled into one...Stevie Ray Vaughn, Eric Clapton, Adam Duritz, George Strait and Robert Earl Keen.
He can make me laugh more than Dane Cook's song for the car alarm. We tell stories and laugh about our lives. We plan a roadtrip for the next day to drive all over Texas, staring in Brownsville, working our way up Corpus Christi, Houston, San Antonio, Austin, DFW, Lubbock and Amarillo.
We all fall asleep under the stars. No rain, bugs, people parting all night keeping us up.
The next day, all my family shows up. My parents, brothers and sister and nieces and nephews. We pack up our cars and trucks and start on our road trip of Texas. (It is God's country, you know? He knows all the back roads and beautiful sites) No need for maps, garmins, gas.
Just the open road, Jesus, my family, my friends and love.
Man. Makes me almost not want to wait for Heaven. I used to be kinda unsure about how I felt about it. I know now. I am excited to see God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. I can tell them how much it meant when they were there for me. The dark nights when I cried alone and they comforted me.
Speaking of, I was having a hard time last night. There is something that stays in my subconscious and won't leave me alone. It's about someone I knew a few years ago and we aren't talking. I know I was not the same person then and I did awful, hurtful things to this person and I'd give more than anything to apologize, but I've tried to talk to them and I just don't think it's the right time. I want more than anything to fix these clouds hanging over me, but I know until it's God's right time and the other person is open to it, I can't do anything. I hate being on bad terms with someone I used to care about. I also hate knowing that the image they have of me and that I left is a bad one. Any of you reading that pray, please pray for my heart to let go of this. It's been almost 3 years and I'm ready to let it go. It just keeps coming back.
3 comments:
I loved that book! It really opened my eyes, as well.
I'm glad you'll be making a stop in San Antonio, you'd better come see me!
Your heart and soul will be in my prayers for healing :)
Thinking about you. That book really changed my views but I'm still struggling with all the "why?" questions. Love youuu
Wasn't that an awesome read :)?! That's right up there with The Great Divorce for me (if you haven't read it yet, I know you'll love it).
I believe that the angels had free will. I don't believe that any being is created for being damned. I don't believe in predestination. I do believe that is the will of God that all of his children be with Him and there's not a soul in Hell that didn't choose to be there (there's more to it than that, we'll have to discuss sometime if you like :).
You're wonderful Candi, I'm sorry we don't get to talk more, I'll work on that :).
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