My path in life. As a Christian, I believe that God has a path planned for me and He knows where I will end up, who I will love, who will break my heart, where the Navy might send me, what kind of nurse I will be.
So, the question I then have trouble with is
What do I do when it's up to me to choose my fate?
I can pray about it. I can try and listen to God's answer, but in the end I'm always questioning if I'm not just "hearing" an answer I want to hear and running with it and saying it's God's voice.
Originally, I felt led to go to Guam. Then, speaking with the detailer it seemed that it wasn't going to be an option, so he mentioned some places in the US. I researched, prayed and thought about it and told him a place in the states I would then want. Then, he said he still might be able to give me Guam. Sheesh. SO, it's been two weeks. My detailer will be getting back to his office this week and I hope to hear back from him soon.
What I'm hoping is that he calls and says "I have one slot open, so you'd better like it. If you want to PCS in June, you'll have to go to.......
And I would pray for continued peace that the choice was made and it's God's hand at work and wherever I should go, I will.
What I'm fearing is that he calls and says "Okay. Your choice. You can go anywhere. Where will it be??"
And I'm stuck back between what I think will be good for my career vs. my personal life. Because right now, I'm feeling torn. I know I should go with the career one....I've seen in the past what chosing the personal life has gotten me! Bah.
I have this debate in my head. Well, maybe God is putting the strong desire for me to go to one duty station for a reason. Maybe he's using that to give me my answer. Ha. Then, I start questioning again if that's not just me making an excuse. I'm a big believer in fate. I think we do have everything planned out. I just want to sit back, be told where to go next, and have a decision made.
This anxiety is starting to build about it.
On a whole other topic. I'd really like a glass of wine. hehe.
4 comments:
Another thought: Perhaps God's plan isn't always rigid. Perhaps his perfect plan is to give you choices, all of which are ideal. Multiple paths, all of which end up in a great spot.
Something to think about :)
I do agree with that. Have you ever seen Sliding Doors? It's a great movie. A chick flick, but the same idea.
I believe the end product will be the path He chooses, but how I get there is what varies. If I pray for His guidance to do it his way vs forcing my choice, the road could vary. It could be nice and easy without bumps, or a pretty rough ride.
I'm praying for guidance for the easy path.
Granted, some things He wants us to suffer through for many reasons. Either to become better, stronger people or to be drawn closer to Him.
It starts in a huge debate still on God's plan vs free will. He knew Adam and Eve were going to eat the apple. He knew that. It was already planned....but He "gave them the choice". Not really, some might say.
Well, what if they hadn't sinned and ate the apple?
BUT, THEY HAD TO! It was already planned, right?
BAH. It's a big circle.....and starting to make my head hurt. haha
Haha! Now, see, this is the stuff that I love to discuss!!!
In all my discussions, I am seeking truth. That is, I am trying to understand what exists and how the world works. For instance, I am now typing on a computer, responding to your response. That is truth (I state this to differentiate truth, as I am using it as something concrete that exists or is happening, and some other people's idea of truth - meaning an ideal situation.)
The other night, Tom, another friend, and I were discussing the idea of morality. Do morals come from a deity? If so, how do we decipher those morals (do we rely on scripture, feelings, etc.). Can universal morals exist without a deity? If so, how do we apply them without common consensus, etc?
The interesting thing was that Tom is a free willer following much of the tradition of Jacobus Arminius. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arminian) Our friend (I forgot his name yet again) was a predestinationist who followed the tradition of John Calvin (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Calvinism). And I was arguing from the standpoint of a natural theist (or one who seeks to understand God by understanding his creation, as opposed to relying on scriptures).
So here we have a Calvinist, an Arminian, and a natural theist, (sounds like the start of a joke...) and we're all discussing the nature of God. After getting done with the morality question (yes, we actually did conclude the conversation), we went on to discuss predestination vs free will.
You would have enjoyed it very much, I believe. The great thing about all of our conversations is that we all are comfortable with our beliefs. We know what we know and what we don't know (it's alright to say, I don't know, when asked a hard question) We aren't afraid to question our beliefs. In fact, we want our friends to question our beliefs; it helps us grow. When ever we discuss its always in love and always with the idea that we are helping out the other person fully develop their thoughts and beliefs.
At the end of our discussion we all still believed what we believed when we first started talking, BUT! we left with different ideas. I changed some of things I believed in because it was pointed out to me that I held contradictory beliefs. It was great! Because we were all friends and because we all were searching for the truth, no one was made to feel inferior, stupid, or wrong. We just asked each person to clarify what they believed and asked them questions to insure that they did not hold contradictory beliefs.
In any case, I do not go to church. My fellowship is with other people who also wonder how God and world works. Talking with friends is my church :) I'm very enthused that you have been wrestling with similar thoughts and questions. (not enthused that you are having difficulties, rather enthused that you are posing these questions to yourself). The one thing that I learned a long time ago was the concept of "ask and you shall receive." It might take a bit, but God always answers your questions (sometimes with frightening speed...).
In any other case, no, I haven't seen Sliding Doors, but I'll give it a shot if I can find it. I don't know if this will help you, or not, but it did help me... I worried about what path God was leading me one. Whether my thoughts and feelings were God's or my own, much as you seem to be doing. It wasn't until I literally left it in the hands of God that I was able to find peace. Instead of attempting to decipher God's will, I just told him that I wished to follow his will and left it at that. I then just started to live life simply, doing what I felt was right. I didn't worry whether it was God's will or not, as I had faith that his will would prevail. If I was doing something wrong, against God's will, I believed that God would correct it and I would be placed on the right course again.
In any case, you should write me an email when you can and discuss your thoughts about God. We could start up a good conversation. :) Hope you are doing well.
oh oh oh, me too! Me too!!!
The Adam and Eve Argument: Now, I'm not as good with analogies as Jimmy is, but hopefully he'll see the intent instead of dismissing the argument because of poor literary elemental support... Say you bake cookies and you leave them out on the counter to cool. You tell your kid not to eat them, but you know they'll probably try to get away with sneaking one. Just because you know they'll swipe a cookie, does it make you responsible for their decision? No. Just because God knew Adam and Eve might have sinned (I believe that part of being omniscient is knowing all POSSIBLE outcomes), it isn't His responsibility to make the choice. His knowing the choices and the paths doesn't make us any less responsible for choosing them.
So far as there being a vocational God-made plan for everyone, I'm not sure I believe that. I do believe that God has a purpose for everyone, and that is to ultimately be with Him. I know that there are people who are "called" to do whatever job it is that they are in, ie preachers, et. al. My personal calling, is to Love. In all I do, I strive to do that. I guess my point is, that not everybody's purpose is going to be vocationally driven. I can go to any corner of the Earth and be used by God to Love. And that's just one example.
SO! I wouldn't stress that you don't know what's going to happen with your job or what God's will is for you vocationally, live your life, and live it the way God would have you live it, and the rest will follow.
Post a Comment