Stop rolling down hill like a snow ball headed for hell. - Merle Haggard, Are The Good Times Really Over For Good

Two things I love watching....snowboarders and subarus! I can't wait to try and get to Japan and see them both a lot! I found out that some places in Japan, they have snow until June!! I never imagined I could ever go snowboarding on my birthday in may. It was always a swim party. haha. Plus, I could go to Nagano. Apparently, they have some amazing places to go around there.

I'm starting to get a lot of friends at the hospital now. A bunch of new nurses came in a few months ago, and they rock! It just kinda sucks, because I know i'll probably be leaving late this year. Right now, I'm penciled in as the primary for the Kuwait deployment in August, but then, who knows. It changes every day. If I don't go somewhere, then I'll be looking for hotfills in Japan for fall or winter of this year. I don't want to leave DC. I finally have a great place. I have a lot of great friends. I know the city somewhat. I really like it. But, I also know...the sooner I get overseas, then the sooner I can get to grad school either San Diego or Seattle. Then, I'd probably try and come back and get stationed in Corpus Christi.

It's funny, because on one hand I want to hurry up and experience everything really fast. I want to go here, then here, then do this type of nursing, then that! But, on the other hand...I feel like things are so amazing and I've been so blessed that I love to stop and soak up every second because I know my life is going to fly by faster than I can even blink! I hear it a lot from my older patients....they just can't believe how fast live goes. But, most of them have amazing stories, and I hope some day I can be that little old lady who can show a baby ensign nurse to stop and enjoy every blessing you are given.

There's one part of me that I don't think has quite healed yet...but I've gotten used to having that slight aching in the background all the time. I try to just push it away again and look around at what all I have. Some day, maybe the aching won't even come back at all.

Now that that don't kill me, can only make me stronger ~Stronger by Kanye West

oh man. Anyone remember the video I posted from my very first day snowboarding last January??? It was on my old blog and old computer, so I can't find it, but I'll find it soon. Anywho...I couldn't stay standing at ALL in the short clip. here's one this year. i'm not doing anything crazy at this point, but at least I'm not falling and I'm learning how to turn and switch sides easily. yay! Being able to go during the week is a blessing. It's less crowded and you get a lot more practice time in. I'm having a blast getting to know a few of my coworkers better too! My cheeks hurt bad....from laughing all day.

Things have been going so well lately. Lots of time off. New apartment. Snowboarding. This was #3 for this season so far. New nurses more my age and single hanging around the hospital...including a bunch of new male nurses. Also, I think I found a church I'm going to be able to get really involved in. Been volunteering at the cystic fibrosis foundation.

Life is good. God is good. I'm so blessed. I thank Him every day. This is just the best time of my life. Everyone says college is. In some ways yes...but, I really hated being broke! And, I hated homework and papers. BLEH. I say THIS is the best time of my life. I'm really getting a lot of out of it.

Hey dude, don't lean on me man. cause I'm losing my direction. ~Hey Dude

Okay, after my previous post, I saw another commercial I had to post....and then....I found out there was a football one toooo. I LOVE THEM!

In the snow of far-off northern lands And in sunny tropic scenes,You will find us always on the job - Marine Corps Hymn

This commercial gave me chills. I love it.

Other news: Currently watching the Patriots!!! Cheering on #83 our own Texas Tech Alumn, Wes Welker! In 2004, Wes became the first player in NFL history to return a punt, return a kick, kick a field goal, kick an extra point and kick off in the same game. He accomplished the feat against the Patriots. (Before he played for them)

More news: Went snowboarding yesterday with tanya and Phil. I'm sooo excited! I'm finally passionate about it. I'm getting to the point where I'm making it down trails without falling. I'm getting so psyched! I'm going again Thursday with some girls from work.

More news: I went to church today. First time really since before college. Besides when I'm home with my parents. It seems like a nice place, but I'll have to go to their earlier, more contemporary service. There was a couple I started talking to behind me and they got my phone number and want to invite me to dinner sometime.

Okay, gotta get back to watching the game!

Uno, dos, tres... catorce ~Vertigo by U2

Lights go down it’s dark
The jungle is your head - can’t rule your heart
A feeling is so much stronger than
A thought
Your eyes are wide
And though your soul it can’t be bought
Your mind can wonder

Hello, hello... (Hola)
I'm at a place called Vertigo (dónde estás?)
It’s everything I wish I didn’t know
Except you give me something...
I can feel, feel

The night is full of holes
As bullets rip the sky of ink with gold
They twinkle as the boys play rock and roll
They know that they can’t dance - at least they know

I can’t stand the beats
I’m asking for the cheque
The girl with crimson nails
Has Jesus 'round her neck
Swinging to the music Whoooaaa
Swinging to the music Whoooaaa
Whoooaaa
Whoooaaa
Whoooaaa

Hello, hello... (Hola)
I'm at a place called Vertigo (dónde estás?)
It’s everything I wish I didn’t know
But you give me something...
I can feel, feel

Check mated...
Hours of fun...
Jumping in... yeah

All of this... all of this can be yours
All of this... all of this can be yours
All of this... all of this can be yours
Just give me what I want and no one gets hurt

Hello, hello... (Hola)
I'm at a place called Vertigo (dónde estás?)
Lights go down and all I know
That you give me something...
I can feel your love teaching me how
Your love is teaching me how to kneel, kneel
~Vertigo by U2

I swear. I think U2 must have written that song after experiencing a night like tonight. It has been wicked weird. It all starts with a congested nose. I've had one for about 3 weeks. It's been a pain because I can't breathe when I'm sleeping. Anywho, no sinus pain. No headache. No pressure. No sore throat. My nose isn't really even runny. Whatever....so, tonight at work I noticed I wasn't walking straight down the hall. I kept falling toward the right. I would get dizzy a bit and just felt off balance. Well, I would have had the night float doc look at my ear and tell me what he thought, but we don't have otoscopes on our floor. Silly, I know...but you have to go to the ER. SOOO, off I went to make sure I didn't have an ear infection. This was around 9:30 pm. They check me out and draw some labs and start a bolus of an iv. When they took my ekg and orthostatics, I got really dizzy when I laid down. Well, I had positive orthostatics and they found a ton of protein in my urine. That I will have to get checked out later. They decided to do another bolus and then send more urine tests. Done and done and then they concluded that I had an inner ear infection, but it was viral, so they can't do anything to fix it. They did give me valium for the vertigo I was experiencing. hehe. With the valium I couldn't go back to work, but I couldn't drive either.

I got ahold of Brit and she came to pick me up. Thank God for other friends on night shift. She came to get me from work...and at this point the valium was working juusssstt fineeeee. I was in heaven. Brit also brought along jessica's friend who's visiting in town and wasn't tired. We started to go to mcdonald's because I was getting the munchies.

On the way, we saw all these firetrucks. I thought the lights were fun to watch. Brit. Not so much. So, we get to mcdonalds and Jessica calls. "Uh, hey, our building's on fire". Those firetrucks were going to Brit and Jessica's apartment! We go back and pick Jess up and see that indeed there are firetrucks everywhere. We didn't see smoke, but it kinda did smell like something was on fire. So, the four of us giggly girls head to this diner down the road that is 24 hrs. We had a blast drinking milkshakes, giggling, stating some memorable quotes, and kicking back like it was college again. Us, in our sweats and such just hanging out at 2 in the morning at the local diner. I miss that kinda stuff. I'm so thankful for these days. It keeps me feeling young and breaks up the day to day work/sleep cycle.

They also sent me home with a few valium and gave me tomorrow night off too, so I don't have work until Monday! weeee.

I really hope I'm not all dizzy though all weekend. I'll be freaking pissed! I need to go snowboarding Saturday and this will NOT get in my way. I'll be dizzy all the way down the mountain if I have to!

Anywho, sorry it was so long. It was an odd night and I had to talk about it.

Flesh is weak, but love is strong. - Alan Jackson, Devil And Me

So, of course, after the post about how in love I am with Eric Bana, I decided to write about how I truly feel about love these days.

I got to a point where I was frustrated. I had, what I thought, was the man of my life. The one who would never leave and we would have this wonderful life together. That dream was destroyed, and my heart along with it. I knew through the whole thing though that when I made it through the really hard time, I would come out a much stronger person. I did. The year 2007 pushed me to doing many things I never thought I could do. Well, then I went through a period of frustration because I wondered why it was so hard to meet someone special. It's SO very different when you're not in college and just working all the time and have a limited social life. The men I met just weren't my type, weren't looking for the same things out of life, didn't want to do the whole Navy life, or just weren't attracted back to me. A couple weeks ago, I sat on my bed and talked with God.

"Why is this so hard? I'm smart, funny, cute, I have a good job, etc....How come I can't meet my love of my life? Why is it so hard for me to meet someone I'm attracted to and who is attracted to me??"

And then He answered.

"There are too many 'me's' in those questions. It's not your job...it's mine. I have it all under control and you don't need Dr. Phil and match.com to find your perfect match because I already know him. I created him for you. I am shaping his heart and your heart so that when you meet, you will be ready for him. But, you do need to realize that I want to create your romantic love story."

It was right. Every time I went in search of my love, it ended with a crushed spirit and shattered heart. I instantly started looking online for research material to help me in my new quest to let go of my love life and give it over to God. I found a book called "When God Writes Your Love Story". It's been a perfect read. We are created in His image. If we want the sappy love chick flicks....so does God....and better yet....he wants it for us! Since that lonely night of me praying and handing over the key to my heart, I have found so much peace. It's all taken care of. In the mean time, I will work on my own life and heart and enjoy my single life. I'm now getting to go snowboarding and go do things outdoors more. I'm volunteering once a week at the cystic fibrosis foundation. I'm doing more soul searching. It's been great.

It has also helped me finally try and let go of things that happened last year. The relationship ended without a lot of things said, and things said that should not have been said. Questions ran through my head every second of every day until I told God that I was leaving it all at His feet. The pain still will start to come back and all the confusion along with why it all happened will pop into my head, but I instantly try and breathe and let it pass. The future love life that God is preparing me will not leave me feeling this way. I am excited and anxious about that day.

Okay, I know that seemed like a very "churchy" post. I don't normally talk very openly and freely about my spiritual relations...but this was something for some reason I felt like I should share. I'm really not changing anything about myself, but more less, letting go of the stress and burden of searching for my love.

God knows that you're a sexy thang. - Dru Hill, These Are The Times

Eric Bana. Oh man. I started having a thing for him when he was in Black Hawk Down. I saw this trailer when I saw Atonement last night. Late night movies by myself are actually really fun. I treat myself to some popcorn, only have to deal with a few people in the theater, get any seat I want, get to spread out across 3 of them...and then talk under my breath about how H-O-T Eric Bana is....mmmmmm. H'okay, I just kinda had to throw this video up so I could share with everyone his beauty. Plus, it looks like a good movie. And, for the guys, it has two beautiful women in it too. So, there, guys.

Atonement was a really well made movie also. There were some scenes of a few characters going through nursing school back in Europe in the early 1940's. Makes me see that my nursing school wasn't that bad. haha. It was so strict long ago. You had to have a perfectly clean uniform and yet be scrubbing the floors, bedpans, bed frames, cleaning wounds, etc. Sometimes I wish we had uniforms like the old ones. Mostly because of the little hat and cape. :)

In other news, I bought my plane ticket home for Courtney's wedding. There have been so many and I can't go to them all, but she found a way to get me there-put me in it! hehe. The bridesmaid dresses are pretty. Navy blue. I love navy blue dresses. I just have to figure out what to do with my hair.

Back here, I've been keeping very busy. I've been going into dc for dinner with friends, seeing movies, volunteering at the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation, working out, etc. After I came back from leave, I realized I was just working and sitting at home. I don't want to do that. All spare time I have I'm trying to do something to get out. Even if it's just going to starbucks to read and drink coffee. "Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while...you could miss it."

The pain will fade. I'll get back on my feet. ~Joss Stone, Bruised but not Broken

Oh man. So far this weekend has rocked. There is one central theme though...."not too fast". Friday night Brit and I headed into Chinatown to catch dinner at Matchbox. After an hour wait and about an hour and a half in the restaurant, we were stuffed with mini burgers (THE BEST) and were on our way to the movie. We saw Charlie Wilson's War. Such an amazing movie...but at the end you're like....sooooo all that money that they helped raise and all the weapons and training they gave to the Afghans and now they're turning it on us?? WTF? It's slightly angering. Well, very, but I won't get onto that. This is a happy blog. No negativity allowed right now. So, it was a good night in DC and I had amazing matchbox leftovers.

Today, I went snowboarding for the first time this season with Jessica and Lauren. I thought that since I had bought all this gear and snowboard and stuff that it would be magical and I would never fall. HA. Well, I did improve SO much today. I actually did make it down one slope without falling. I just fell forward and my hands fell, but I kept going and never really stopped. I also realized that I snowboard with my tongue in the side of my cheek our out of my mouth like I'm concentrating really hard. Well, I am, but one of these days I fear I will bite it off when I fall. It almost seemed like it was never going to happen though. We didn't really leave until around noonish and then stopped at a few places for breakfast, but they were busy. Ended up at Crackle Barrel. Good breakfast. Then, we got stuck behind a fireman funeral processional that was going very slow. It was so much fun today. Even more than last year. I didn't fall as much. Not quite as hard and became closer to some friends. Sometimes the best part is riding up on the lifts with friends and chatting. Or messing with the 12 year old boys in the seat in front of you. Or watching Jessica not get off the lift right and almost go back around. Sorry, Jess. It was hilarious. I just heard her scream and turned around and they had stopped the lift and she had to kinda hop off a bit of a ways. Here are a couple pictures from the trip. It was also nice to not have to worry about rental stuff. We just show up, do our thing, and leave. Easy.