Do your best, do everything you can, and don't you worry what their bitter hearts are going to say. - Jimmy Eat World, The Middle

I miss the simplicity of Kuwait. I miss my routine there. I miss all the time in the world to work out and visit with friends. I miss not having to worry about bills, cleaning, all the projects and collaterals around the hospital. I miss my friends from Kuwait.

On the other hand, I have started to get back in the swing of the busy life back here in DC. Today, I went to church, met up with Andrew for lunch at the mall with his kiddos and then went shopping. After this, I'm going to sit down to write my mission statement for the online college I'm applying for and will spread the word of our storytelling project on facebook and myspace. I did my taxes. I've fixed up my apartment. I've been attending meetings at work and I'm finishing up orientation on a new floor. I started a cystic fibrosis walk team for May. I'm set for my surgery in April. I've started playing around with ideas for the nursing slideshow for May. I also manage to have a life and go on a date or meet up with friends downtown. Life is busy, but good.

My main goal for the Navy. I want a ship. I want to be on a carrier. I've been watching "Carrier", which was a reality show from PBS following the crew of the Nimitz a few years ago. I want to feel like I'm in the Navy. In order to do this I need to be an OR or ICU nurse, really. Maybe ER possibly. I'm trying to work my way into the ICU. I really wish I could have extended here in order to have the time to transfer to Bethesda's ICU. It would have been such a great learning experience. They are a busy unit and I would have seen ALL kinds of things. But, no. The Navy needed me in the APU (ambulatory procedure unit). That was the last place I ever thought they would place me. It's the furthest thing from bedside nursing or the ICU. I'm still a little burned on how the process worked and that I wasn't involved AT ALL on the decision to transfer to a new floor. I wanted to stay on 5 center, since I couldn't move to the unit. Well, then I'm a few weeks from coming home and they tell me I'm going to the APU. wow. That was a shock. I'll roll with it because it's temporary, but I hope that my command will understand and let me take classes or "shadow" in the ICU if possible. I want to go to Jacksonville being able to say that I've done all I can to try and progress into a critical care setting. I signed up for a wound and ostomy course and I hope I will actually be able to go with our schedule being so tight.

I made a meeting with one of our senior LT's the other day to sit down and pick his brain on how to get where I want to go. I'm going to try it. I'm trying to keep my eyes out for classes and opportunities to get some experience where I really want to be. I haven't picked up my stethoscope since I got to the APU. You just don't really use it. A quick focused assessment and sending people out the door with paperwork. It's important and I try really hard to do good teaching, but still. All the nurses on our floor, besides 1 or 2 are just looking to transition out and become a housewife. I don't belong there.

I know in the end that the reason I joined the service was to give up part of my life to go where they needed me. Makes me think of when Jonas avoided God's call to go spread the word and he got eaten by the whale. I'm hoping to avoid being eaten. :)

As John Michael Montgomery said, "Life's a dance. You learn as you go. Sometimes you lead. Sometimes you follow."

The ones that you're calling wild are going to be the leaders in a little while. - Johnny Cash, What Is Truth

For a short history of BUMED, check out this page.
I have not been able to get pictures to post on this blog, so for now, you can view these photos from my facebook album.

Today was a special day in my Navy nursing career. Our director of nursing services had bid on a tour of BUMED (Navy Bureau of Medicine and Surgery) and lunch with the Navy Surgeon General, Admiral Robinson. Also included was a sit down discussion with the Admiral of the Nurse Corps, Admiral Bruzek-Kohler. She picked six junior nurses from Bethesda to attend the tour, lunch and discussion. I happened to be one of the lucky ones! We were told by her that it was because of our contributions that we have done for the hospital over the past year. I almost wish I did more. I wish there were more hours in the day!

After I worked for a few hours trying to discharge some patients that stayed overnight, I met the five other nurses downstairs in the lobby. We had a van drive us and our Director, another Captain and another woman to BUMED down in the Foggy Bottom area of DC. It's right up the street from the Lincoln memorial. (About 2 blocks away)

Our first stop was the main building, which was the originial Naval Observatory. We got a personal tour by Jan Herman. He is a naval historian with an office at BUMED. It was so interesting! He showed us where the first telescope used to be and described a story in which President Lincoln stoped by one night, one and a half month after Gettysburg, to have some quiet time and view the stars. During this story, Mr. Herman told us that we have now talked to a man, who talked to a man, who talked to a man, who talked to a man, who talked to a man, who talked to a man, who talked to Abraham Lincoln. This was a story in which Mr. Herman spoke with the great great grandchild of Asaph Hall, who was an astronomer who was the man working when Lincoln stopped by that night.

After our tour, we went over and met ADM Robinson, the US Navy Surgeon General. He was our Commanding Officer when I got to Bethesda, but has since been promoted. He is a great inspiration. Loves the Navy, loves the Navy people and loves medicine. We were all ready to ask him questions and he surprised all of us when he asked us what we would change about nursing in the navy, if we could. This spurred up lots of discussion amongst us all and we all enjoyed the time. It was wonderful food, wonderful talk and something I will remember for a long time.

Then, we went over to meet Admiral Bruzek-Kohler. We all liked her because she was very to the point. We could ask questions and discuss items about nursing and our careers and she would give us a straight answer. I think we all walked away with a lot more knowledge.

I hope some day I can be in a position to mentor and lead younger Navy Nurses. I don't know if I would ever get to that position, but I hope that at the end of my career, I can look back and see contributions and leave my mark in the Nurse Corps.

I can't imagine if I had not joined the Navy and had never done any of the things I've been able to do in just a little over two years!

I get lost, sometimes. Days pass and this emptiness fills my heart. - Peter Gabriel, In Your Eyes

At times something feels empty. I've been home and having a great time! I've put some new pictures up of some random get togethers. I just....I don't know. I miss how close everyone was in Kuwait. It was our small little world. Nothing outside it really mattered. Coming back to DC and Bethesda, you feel you get lost in the numbers.

Just the other day, I accidentally sent something to lab that I meant to send to blood bank. I called the lab as soon as I sent it and asked if they could just send it back to me so I could get it to the right place. We had a ton of people in the waiting room so I was really busy. The corpsmen were rude and refused to send it back. They told me I could come down and get it. I really should have asked to see their LPO, but I was so mad I was afraid I'd lose it. It just made me miss my corpsmen in Kuwait. We all helped each other out. We were a team. One group. Bethesda is all about getting ahead on your own. Now, I am going to miss a lot about this area. It's been great to get involved. I'm excited about going to BUMED, lunch with the Surgeon General on Thursday and our history project! I'm not going to have those opportunities in Jacksonville. I will have more sun though.

I really am not happy on my floor. How this all went down really hurt me. I can't believe I would volunteer to go on deployment and then they wouldn't even tell me I was going to a new floor or ask where I would want to go. Everyone here stays on their floor until they find an opening somewhere they want to go. I was the only person who ever wanted to stay on 5 center. Oh well. There must be a reason and I'll try and bloom where I'm put, but I even asked my dept head to keep me updated and that never happened.

I'll stop at that and let you check out these videos. There are 3. One from each year that I've gone snowboarding. Check out how much better I've gotten!



I could barely stay up the first day...



A little better on that one. The second year.



Look at me now! On an intermediate slope and all. :)

So long to all my pain, good night to my heartache. Goodbye sorrow, I won't cry no more, I'm leaving tomorrow. - Brandy, Tomorrow

That video shows what they did to test my compartments in my leg. Mine were in the front and side though. It makes me cringe to watch the video. It hurt. Bad. I could handle it, but if they tried to do it again I would tell them they were crazy.

I had my ortho appt today to measure my muscle compartments in my leg. There are 4 comparments in your lower leg that can swell too much during exercise and cause problems. Mine turn out to be the anterior (front) and lateral (side).

During rest they take an 18g needle and stick it into your muscle and measure the pressure the muscle puts on the fascia around it. It felt like my past piercings. I can handle pain, but I was still nervous. They didn't numb my skin because they said it doesn't do much anyway. You can feel it go into the skin, but then you feel it pop into your muscle. They do a stick per compartment/per leg. Then, they have you work out (I ran on the treadmill for a mile and a half until the pain was unbearable) and came back and they stuck me again. The pressures were above 30mmHg, so they were a diagnostic postive. The doctor even said just looking and feeling my legs, you could see how tight the muscles were. He said, done deal and we'll schedule the surgery to fix it! It really hurt.....I won't lie. I tolerated it, but I would NOT want to do it again.

Next, I just wait for the nurse to call and schedule my appt. I'm soooo excited. I just can't wait to be able to be done with this pain. No burning or tightness when walking fast, or snowboarding, or running! It has been 8 years. I won't know what to do with myself.

I almost cried when I was talking to the doctor about it. I'm just so happy. I don't think people understand, but when I ran on the treadmill today when I got to 1.5 miles, I couldn't even walk right. I had foot drop and the muscles hurt so bad I was shaking and almost started crying.

Soon it will all be in the past!