Chaos is the future, and beyond it is freedom. - Sonic Youth, Confusion Is Next

So close to being home. Can't tell anyone details about my trip, but it's soon. ha.

Before I get there, I have to turn in gear here, have post deployment classes and start setting everything back up for my arrival home.

Did the change of address thing, set up my utilities for the apartment, reserved the uhaul and freight elevator for moving in, reserved the motel room for my parents and I that first night, scheduled a time for the cable company to come and hook me up, working on scheduling an appointment to see the ortho docs when I return.

Pfew. I'm tired. I hope I don't miss something. I'm excited to get home, but the first few days are going to be crazy. After I'm moved in and checked in at work, things will calm down.

I can't believe it's so close. I can't believe I may never see some of these people again. I hope I see some of them again.

How I did on my goals:
1. Grow as a nurse. Done this already. The hospital isn't always fast paced, but I'm seeing so many new things.
At times. I saw a lot of things I hadn't seen before, but then there were times I just felt like I was losing brain cells.
2. Study my GRE. Hm. Not doing so hot on this goal. I've made it to page 2 in my study guide.
Never really got into this. Since I'm going to Jax in October and I'll be there 3 years before applying to grad school, I'm not too worried. I hope to take a GRE class at some point back home.
3. Get financially stable. Doing pretty good on this. I've paid off my credit card and next month will have my car paid off.
Excellent on this goal. Car and credit card paid off. Saved up a decent amount; however, I just hope I don't spend it all in the first month home. I have so many deposits and payments to make to set everything back up. I'm not looking forward to paying rent again, or buying food....or even water. bah.
4. Grow spiritually. I'm doing okay on this, but I want to be a lot closer to God. I need to spend more quiet time with Him.
I probably should have grown a lot closer and spent more time.
5. Physically. I'm working out a ton more and trying to get more toned. It's working for the most part. Could be eating better though......I'll do good and then splurge.
Did pretty decent on this one. I'm more toned, but because of all the spin class and ellipticals, my muscles in my legs and butt have grown and I can hardly fit in my jeans! It's not more fat though. I just don't get it. I still eat way more here than I do at home.
6. Let go of some emotional baggage I've been carrying around. Time to move on.
I def think I made improvements on this one. But, in a way, I just replaced one thought with another. Oh well. I feel much more healthy about the past. I can't lie and say that my heart doesn't break when I think about it, but I don't linger on it. I have better things to do than think about things that I don't control.

(On a side note....I did come close to beating Joe in NCAA football on xbox last night. That's a VAST improvement from the beginning of the deployment when I couldn't score at all!)

So, overall I made some improvements. I actually think I'll get more done once I'm settled in back home. I buy healthy food. I have my gym all to myself downstairs and no beefy guys to intimidate me. I'll get back to focusing on work. Maybe even build in a little social life for me back home. I'll have to relearn how to do that after being here. All my friends and I are just naturally around each other and do everything together. No outside distractions. I'll have to get used to that.

In a way, I feel like this time is going to be kept in a little box set aside. I'll think of it like it really happened, but it's almost like a separate time that fits into my life. It seems like it went fast, but at times slow.

I keep thinking of how to say goodbye to some of the people here and I just can't picture it. At least most of us can stay in touch through facebook and things like that.

Hm. Well, guess I'd better get my butt up and to the gym.

Come on you raver, you seer of visions, come on you painter, you piper, you prisoner, and shine. - Pink Floyd, Shine On You Crazy Diamond

These are two videos from youtube. One is of a nurse I went to OIS with! LTJG Benson (however during OIS she was Ensign Benson. :) hehe)I was so excited to see a commercial about her!

The other is from the promotion ceremony we had yesterday! I had 3 good friends get promoted, along with 2 other personnel here. I was pleased they wanted me to be a part of the ceremony and hold their new uniform blouses and covers and present them to them for the first time. Now, I guess have to salute the two new LT's. It was fun being a LTJG with them for a few months! Makes me look forward to that day of being an O-3. It just looks so much better on the collar! Anywho, they all had non-alcoholic champagne and let the corks fly. Thought I'd get a quick clip of it. This was at our wardroom promotion ceremony/party. Fresh fish, shrimp, calamari, ribs, bakery items...all from out in Kuwait City. It was amazing.

Great New Years!

Plus. I'll be home soon! Can't wait.

Whoa, to sail away, sandy lands and holidays. Whoa, to touch the dream, eyes inside that never sea. - Led Zeppelin, Achilles Last Stand

Most Christmases at home seem to go by quickly. You wake up slowly, sleep in, stay in your pj's all day, eat supper, open presents, play with said presents, start the fire and the day is over before you noticed it even began. Here, at least, the day actually felt like a full day.

Woke up, showered, donned my light up santa hat and met up with friends for supper at zone 2. For the holidays, they display butter sculptures. yes. Giant sculptures made of butter. They also take melons and cut flower and bird shapes into them and paint them. Those are actually very pretty. It was not mom's cooking after she had been baking and slaving away in the kitchen since 5am, but it was still very good. The traditional ham, turkey, stuffing, sweet potatoes, pecan pie....mmm.

After lunch, some went home to nap. Andrew and I went to go get coffee and play halo in the community center. I really suck, but it's still fun. I need to get an xbox. Then, went back to the I building to do a few things and then off to see "Yes Man" with Jim Carrey. Hilarious.

Dinner followed, along with another round of halo with 2 more people. :)

Got back home and got on skype with my parents and sister. They opened their presents and I opened the ones my brother sent me. It was sorta like we were still with each other. I can't imagine being deployed before they had the internet or even phones. We have it so lucky. Back in the Civil War, men would leave and not come home for years! You'd never hear from them. Thank goodness it's not like that anymore.

I think I said "Merry Christmas" 300 times to passing people and friends throughout the day. All in all, it was a really great Christmas if I had to be anywhere but home!

Here is my Arifjan Holiday album from facebook. I've added some at the end. Mostly, of the butter sculptures!

My heart's dark, but it's rising. I'm pulling all the faith I can see. - Bruce Springsteen, Mary's Place

Sometimes it's hard to see the every day miracles God presents to us. Or, we see some good things come our way and are convinced they are God's hand and we jump on it without hesitation.

Then, we're left feeling stupid and foolish when they turn out to be something completely different and we were convinced we were doing the right thing.

I have been desperately looking for an apartment. Well, long story short, after much prayer, I came across a house for rent in Bethesda 2 miles from work! It was absolutely amazing. Great price, location, neighborhood and a couple who owned it and were doing mission work in Africa! So, not only was I praying about it, but this couple was very frank in saying they wanted a Christian tenant. Duh. I'm pulling the stupid card. All the signs should have led me to the fact that this was a scam. I was so "blinded by the light" that I saw this as an answer to my prayers and jumped on it. At that point, I didn't seek prayer, I started to act on my own. Bingo.

Thankfully, they didn't end up getting my money, but they got my dignity and happiness. For a short time. I was crushed. Not only was I back to square 1 and I did not have a place to live, but my faith was shaken as well. Lucky for me, I have great friends. Some that can take me to the DFAC and forget my problems. Some that will talk to me for hours on the phone from thousands of miles away and some that help me restore my faith.

Basically, I'm tired. I'm tired of believing, jumping head over heals over something that is not real.

This, of course, happens with men as well. Why is it that we get something in our head and with the help of people encouraging us or a smile from that person, and all of a sudden in our heads that is the perfect match for us. At this point, you might as well give up. Even if you know deep down that it's not going to happen and for good reason, you can't help holding onto this small amount of hope for true love.

Then, yet again, they get my dignity and happiness.

Do either of these people in this situation deserve that of me?? NO. Why do I let it happen? Why do I jump in my head and heart so fast that I end up getting hurt. The problem isn't that I don't trust others. I don't think I can trust myself. What do you do when that happens? ha. Maybe they can lock me in a padded cell. They could give me some crayons and blank paper. Then, I'd be afraid I'd draw something beautiful and imagine it became a famous work of art. It, of course, wouldn't....and I would be left crushed without my dignity and happiness....in a padded cell.


Good news to the end of this post. While I'm still trying to work through jumping before God is ready for me to jump and getting my own hopes up for love, I know now I will be moving back into the Grand Apartments in North Bethesda. A pretty sweet place to live.

(That has a funny story too) They normally don't do 9 month leases, but the leasing agent is one of the former front desk clerks from when I lived there before and he recognized my name and how kind I was to him and talked his manager into doing it for me! Small acts of kindness may come back to reward you in the end.

That did bring back my dignity and happiness. :)

I find peace when I'm confused, I find hope when I'm let down. Not in me, but in you. - Switchfoot, You

Pfew. I'm not going to worry about the fact that I don't have a place to live at in Bethesda. I spent all last night at work looking up apartment complexes. Well, that and watching Princess Bride with Fancher and M&M. (hey, it was my last night shift and i was going to enjoy the fact that no one comes in the ER overnight!)

Anyway, I had picked out this one place, Miramont to live at. I went and saw it back in May and told them my story and then in October sent them all my information. I've been on their wait list, but now it doesn't look like there will be an apt open for when I get back next month. EEEEEiiikkkk. It was perfect. Close to the metro and my friends. Cheap. They all had balconies. It wasn't a luxury apt, but it was a really nice one. Large floorplans. Man.

So, it's just so tough, because I'm spoiled and I won't live more than a few streets away from a metro, so that will increase my costs. I also don't want to live way up in Germantown either. I've just realized I'm going to have to pay more. Thankfully, I am going back as an O-2 now without a car or credit card payment, so it will be much easier to survive. There is just something wrong in paying $1600 a month for an apartment.

I think I may just try and move back into The Grand. I lived there with a roommate before, but now I can afford their one bedrooms. That place was amazing. Indoor/outdoor pool and hot tub. Sauna. Steam room. Great gym. NEXT DOOR to the metro. Close to work. Parking garage. Free valet parking for all guests.

I think I have to live there! haha. It was such a great apartment. I always loved coming home. Plus, after a long day snowboarding, there was nothing like sitting in a hot tub!

I wrote a few emails to some places, so I just now need to play around with numbers after they write back. I'm just reminding myself to let it go. God has it all worked out and he will not leave me to be on the streets. ha.

Many other things in life are things you just have to let go. They are not your battles. No reason to worry about these things. Some that do not believe in God and religion say that religious people only believe in a god for peace of mind. Well, He does give me that, even if other people don't believe in Him. There have just been too many times that amazing things came through and happened and I know it wasn't just chance or my doing.

If anything, having God in my life is good for my health. http://www.webmd.com/news/20000809/religious-people-live-longer-than-nonbelievers
Mostly because when I start to feel that anxiety move up into my esophagus, like it was doing this morning when I was searching for apartments, I stop, breathe, pray and calm myself down. The realization that Christ always works for the good of those who love him is just what I need to remind myself.

Plus. Having Christ in my life just makes me happy. Can't wait til I have the joy and the apartment. :)

Sometimes I'd feel more fulfilled, making Christmas cards with the mentally ill. - The Smiths, Frankly Mr. Shankly

I seriously have some great people in my life that look out for me on deployment! I got a package from my brother and his family yesterday with Christmas cookies (that were soft and delicious!) and wrapped presents (probably my only wrapped gifts). Then, a package from Kerry with a Christmas tree and ornaments, stocking full of goodies, including a necklace and hat that light up and santa socks! I set it all up last night and I felt at home. I have my own little Christmas tree next to my bed, complete with a stocking hung on my mirror, presents under the tree, and my dog laying next to it. :) The best part!! I don't have an angel to put on top, but I got a Texas Tech ornament from Jim yesterday and it's at the top of my tree. See the guns up?? Hells ya. (even though we were dropped to the Cotton Bowl and they didn't even advance Graham Harrell to the finalists of the Heisman....bitches.)

I got other packages from Bethesda's Nurse's Association and some other company's care package and my parent's sunday school class. I put a lot of those decorations up at work. It looks more like a mexican fiesta with all the random tinsel and colors everywhere. Nothing matches and it's all just thrown up sporadically. It's still fun and brings holiday cheer! I thought I need to be as corny as possible.

It's starting to get pretty cool at night. I have been wearing my desert jacket over my camis to work and I think it's only in the 50's. haha. I'm going to just die when I land in DC in January.

Gotta get to sleep. I have too many things on my mind. I'm leaving in about a month. A lot is going to change. I'm leaving a lot behind here. It's kinda like a moment in space that will remain here locked away, but almost never really happened. I guess I keep thinking some things in my life were going to look up when I went back, but I have a feeling I'm letting my head set me up for a fall. No need to describe more on this. It will only upset me. Typical.

But, lots to look forward to, nonetheless.

Vacations and shopping sprees, these are a few of her favorite things. - Good Charlotte, Boys And Girls

If you are only here in country for 6-8 months, your R&R is spent in Qatar. Doesn't sound that exciting, but just getting away from work and stress is amazing. I got very lucky and got to go with a group of officers that was so much fun. It's a long trip out there. Lots of bumpy bus rides to and from the air strips and a military flight, but SO worth it. We laid by the pool, ate at some fun restaurants, got to tour Doha, Qatar and learn more about their culture, drink some beers, watch football (including Navy dominating Army!), play games, lay around in the "pillow room" and watch movies, etc.

The time was just simply awesome. I feel totally refreshed. I had been wound up so tight before I left. Now, I don't feel stressed at all. All that weight has been lifted off of me. Only about a month to go and I feel so much better.

This shows just how the good outweighs the bad in the military. Where else would I get a free vacation to hang out with some really great friends?? This kinda stuff is what the navy is about. I hope that some day I can get on a ship and do stuff like this at all the port calls. I'm going to miss these people so bad. The good news, I will probably see them all again at future commands, deployments, training, etc. And, you make friends all over, so when I move down to jax, I can stop in Portsmouth and see my friends there and in North Carolina and see people there....I love it. :)

The beer I had for breakfast wasn't that bad, so I had one more for dessert. - Kris Kristofferson, Sunday Morning Coming Down

I will only get 3 beers a day on R&R, but 3 still makes me happy!

I've been posting a lot because I have time at work and things are slower on night shift. I've also been very happy lately. I couldn't shift over to night shift sleep schedule very well so I was using ambien. Even with that, I still couldn't sleep well and it just sunk me into a horrible depression/anxiety trip for a week. It was horrible. I didn't feel like myself. I stopped taking the ambien and feel so much better. Plus, I've been sleeping well! ha.

I go on R&R tomorrow! I've been checking the weather and for the next week high will be 75 and low 62. Perfect. I have a new one piece that I hope I can wear. They usually run a water sports trip where you get to ride jet skis and banana boats. I hope they still have it running. I've never been on a jet ski.

I can already feel the weight of Kuwait falling off me and we haven't left yet. I know it's going to feel so good to be crammed into that military plane on jump seats, leaving the hospital behind for a few days. I still can't believe I've been here since July and it's now past Thanksgiving. For those guys having to stay a year or more, it must be worse.

Coll FB:
Florida vs. Florida State. Okay, I would have liked the seminoles to win this one. It would have just been fun, but alas. They were trampled.

Virginia Tech won. Good for them.

Same with Georgia Tech, only they won't get anywhere because of Virginia Tech winning. Still, good game against Georgia.

Looks like USC will be going to the Rose Bowl against Penn State. Man, Penn State had better whoop some a**. Not a fan of USC.

Alabama beat Auburn. Whoopdie doo. I just don't know about them holding up against Florida.

Oregon over Oregon State. Okay. USC has them to thank for their spot in the Rose Bowl.

Then, the Oklahoma vs. Oklahoma state game. Wow. I think that was one of my favorite games of the season. OSU almosttt pulled a win to help Texas Tech out...but NO. Oh well. They stayed right up there with OU for most of the game! Great one to finish the night with. Or morning here...

Okay, so UT, OU, TTU are all tied. I know Tech is out of this race. It was a good season, up until the end. I just wanted the big 12 championship game to end on a good note. Guess that won't happen. Don't even think we'll get a BCS bowl either. That sucks. Well. There's always next year! At least, I hope I can get to a game next year since I won't be in the middle east!

Everybody loves you when you're easy, so don't disappoint them. - Sarah McLachlan, Black And White

My Texas Tech Halftime Report:


WTF?

Forget what your team did all the way up to OU. All that means nothing. The typical Tech team hath reared his ugly head. I can't believe it. I thought we were past this.

Looks like Florida will dominate Florida State, also. Kinda wanted the Seminoles to win this. It would have just made things interesting. They'll go on to win against Alabama in the SEC Championship and then on to the National Championship. Probably against OU or UT.


GOOOOOO NEWS: (putting college football aside)
My parents told me that my car title arrived in the mail and a letter that said "Loan paid in FULL"! How exciting! I got it paid off in 2 1/2 years! Granted, it was a used car, but still. It was my first car to get and pay off entirely. I'm probably going to end up keeping it for a while. I thought it would just be a practice car for a bit, but I love it and it's now paid for. I have no debt besides my school loans, which I hopefully will get the navy to pay for next fall. I'll wait for my next deployment to save up for fun money!

Blow your brains out and do it right, make sure it's on prime time and on Saturday night. - The Kinks, Give The People What They Want

Okay, here's the deal. We just started our game against Baylor. Please, Tech don't humiliate me.

What I don't understand. Why is everyone making a huge deal about Texas winning over NON RANKED A&M?? Even Baylor beat them this year. If we beat Baylor will anyone care? No. Why? Because we're not UT. We don't have Mac Brown opening his trap non stop. Someone please duct tape the man's mouth shut.

I'm just sick of everyone always talking about them like they are the only ones that exist. UT beat A&M by 40 points. Again, and unranked team. OU beat the #2 team (TTU) by 40 points. HELLO??? Man, I just would rather see OU go on than UT.

But! I have to cheer for OSU for Tech to even have a chance. I'm stuck in a weird place. So, if OSU wins, then there is a tie between TTU and UT. Well, TTU beat UT, so you would think Tech would go on to the Big 12 championship. I still am not holding my breath. I think they would still somehow get Texas in there. Then, we'd have to just play phenomenal against Mizzu in order to raise our BCS score to even be considered for the National Championship.

I'm not holding my breath. But I am curious.

Now, off to watch the games.

GO TECH!

He spent all night staring down at the lights on L.A., wondering if he ever could go home. - Bob Seger, Hollywood Nights

Some people here seem to think me odd that I get this into college football and mostly the big 12. Well, you know what. It's home for me. I'm not home. I'm the farthest I've ever been and it's hard. This is my connection. This is my family. Others may think it's strange, but part of my soul is on that field, in those stands, watching on tv, cheering with signs. I'm watching and wishing more than anything that I could be there next to them.

I do get over emotional with it. I am beyond passionate. But, I don't see where that is a fault. Just let me have my fun and get into it. Just because you're not from Texas. You're not from my school. You don't understand the love of the game and the rivalry and the talk, don't stop me from expressing that.

I'm guessing that I'll just have to keep my mouth shut. I'll call my friends back home. They understand. Our hearts beat the same way. Some just don't get it.

I can't believe they could talk all through the UT/A&M game about how "spotless" UT season has been and how perfect Colt McCoy has been. Everyone has just totally shut out our win against them. They had all these signs with the score of their win over OU. Maybe we should do the same. I can only hope that OU loses somehow. That would put UT and TT in a tie. Well, we won against them, so I don't see the struggle. Our amazing season is gone, thanks to that lovely loss to OU. Man, I can't believe it.

But, I digress. Texas Tech is home. For Thanksgiving, I want to think about it.

Dreams are hard to follow, but don't let anyone tear them away. Hold on there will be tomorrow, in time you'll find the way. - Mariah Carey, Hero

My detailer said under no circumstance will I leave Bethesda in the summer due to multiple deployments that our hospital will be sending people for. Djibouti, Kuwait, Afghanistan, and the Comfort is going out too.

I'm actually really okay with this. Good things about leaving for Jax in October:
1. I get another summer in DC. I love the summer in DC. :)
2. I will be moving around the same time as all my other close friends, so I won't have to leave before anyone.
3. It will be the same month that Tanya moves to Jax, so maybe we can just take a trip and move our stuff together and stop and sight see all the way down the east coast.
4. More time to plan it out and go house hunting.

Good things about being in Jax for 3-4 years:
1. I'll really get settled into the city and hospital and feel comfortable.
2. More established in a home....still debating buying vs. renting.
3. More time if I can get to the ICU to get experience.
4. Able to do more online grad courses before I apply to DUINS
5. Possibly another deployment. Most likely this would be Cuba. I've learned a lot on this one and I think I would be able to be more prepared for future ones.
6. More time with Tanya!
7. More time to get a good tan!

This week has been much better.
1. We're under the 50 days left mark...it's now 47.
2. I got my car paid off! Now, I just have my school loans left and this year I can apply for the Navy to pay for them. It won't be until the fall, but still. Something to look forward to. Then, I'd be debt free! Entirely. Awesome.
3. Next week is R&R and I can't wait! (another good thing...I got my new one piece bathing suit and I love it.)
4. Just thinking about Jacksonville.

I can't wait to get there. Warm weather, friendly people, beaches, cute neighborhoods and houses, pet lovers, more real "navy" stuff, smaller hospital, closer to home. Bah. It's going to be great. Some of the homes I've been looking at (really wanting to rent so if I'm deployed I can do the whole storage thing again) have large balconies or patios. I just picture sitting out with patton, relaxing with some iced tea, people watching.

Now, college football time.
What the hell is with UT moving ahead of OU? This disturbs me. There is a small chance that UT could lose to A&M and OU lose to OSU and we'd still be going to the big 12 championship. Actually, we just need OSU to lose to OU, since we beat UT. I can hope. There is always that possibility.

I'm going to call Florida over Alabama, even though their game isn't until next week. Alabama can sometimes choke on big games like we do. I'd like to see Florida and OU. I respect OU more as a team and their coach over UT. Mac Brown is an ass and they think so much of themselves.

Glad Penn State got the Rose Bowl. I'm still sad they lost to Iowa. I would have loved to see Penn State and Texas Tech in the National Championship game. I knew it was far off, but I was hoping.

And USC moving up to 5?? Man, another school I can't stand. Who do they ever play and they always seem to be in the top 10! Granted, they played Ohio State this year, but it was a non conference game and they're not having the best year anyway. Whatever.

I must address our game against OU. As everyone else has been saying. What the HELL happened???? I did tear up a bit after the game. I can't believe it. I was prepared to lose, but not like that! Why did we keep trying to run it up the middle?? It obviously wasn't working the 1st, 2nd, 50th time we tried. We'd get stopped right at the line of scrimmage. It was awful. They were in our heads, just like we were with Texas. Bah. Everytime I pass a tv on a sports show, they instantly switch to the TT vs. OU game and discuss their annihilation. My heart sinks every time.

I could go on and on, but it's time to get to the DFAC!

Don't think twice, it's alright. - Bob Dylan; Peter, Paul, and Mary, Don't Think Twice, It's Alright

Yet again, I have been dealing with mood swings. ha. I'm feeling much better today. I woke up in a panic. I had a dream today where I was stationed overseas and when I woke up, I was afraid I screwed up when I chose my next duty station. Had I missed my chance at going overseas? If I got held up in Florida for 4 years, then I couldn't get on to school and move on. Maybe I should have chose Guam. I called my mom and she helped me think things through. I'll give a call to the detailer on Monday and get some more information. I know God has His hand in all of this and His plan will shine through.

The day had been kinda blah until I saw College Game Day on the tv at the gym after spin class! I was so excited. I kept on everyone's heels to get changed so we could get to the DFAC so I could watch. That instantly cheered me up.

Now, I'm at work, watching 24 and waiting for the game to start in 3 hrs. At least this time I'm on night shift so it works with my schedule.

Sorry my blog is just me going back and forth on my issues with the Navy. I'm just bipolar. It's all the sand. Only 51 more days left here!

Ashes to ashes and dust to dust, sometimes I feel like giving up. - Creed, Weathered

Jasmine. She's the oldest pet I had. She died today. I think we got her when I was about 8 or 9. She was a very old kitty.

Anytime I went home she would come running when I called for her. As she got older she could be cranky, but not with me. My mom said the past couple weeks she took her outside and made her comfortable. I'm glad she was there for her. I wasn't.

I'm going to change subjects for a minute. It's the other thing that has been bothering me today. I'm never there for anything. I think I'm going to have to get used to that if I'm going to make the Navy a career. What if something happened to a friend or a family member?

I shouldn't be thinking about this now. I feel like sometimes the dream of what I thought being a Navy nurse isn't what it really is. I just have up and down days and today is a down day. I feel like so many people I should look up to let me down, but I know that would happen outside the navy also. It just seems if you're sacrificing so much that there should be something else.

If I had wanted to make the navy a career, I'm really thinking I should have done something besides medicine. In our corps, a LTJG means nada. On the line side if I were on a ship or something, I'd actually have more seniority. Ah well.

I've seen this happen to my friends and people I knew that were very oohrah. They were all deployed and the wind was taken out of their sails. (so to speak) I think people have just forgotten how to have fun and still get the job done. You can see it beat out of people. I'm refusing. I'm refusing to give in and let it win. I will make a difference. I will try and keep the dream of the nurse corps alive.

Servants to mother machine, nursed by video screens, paradise of insanity, born into a grave of mental slavery. - Kreator, Mental Slavery

Here are some clips from the concert. I went through today and added all my little clips and videos to my youtube page. Most are short and silly, but still fun to look back at. Now, I'm going to get some sleep for my officer of the day watch tonight! Woot!

Life just keeps getting weirder for us every day. - Everclear, Learning How To Smile

Everclear came to Camp Arifjan the other day! I could only remember a few songs of theirs, but at the concert I realized I knew a lot more.

They came by the hospital that afternoon and I jumped up to meet them. The only problem was I was getting report for my patient coming from the OR and as we were all taking pictures, the guy rolled around the corner and I had to run off. The 2 brown haired guys were pretty cute. I'm just being a sucker for rock stars. ;) And not the kind that stay up late and play all night in our lounge. haha.

Later that evening, we all got cleaned up and headed out to the shuttle to go to zone 6. One of my friends got called into work, so he had to go take care of patient stuff. Poor guy. I'd be so upset if I was in his place, but he was pretty cool about it. So, that left 2 of us. We went and got some near beer at the PX to feel like we were really at a concert. We sat down way in the back bleachers at first, but eventually started making our way up and were at the front of the stage at the end. It was such a fun time. The lead singer lost his voice, so it was in and out, but it was still good. Then, the last song they wanted to have a bunch of girls come up and dance on stage, so they started picking girls out in the crowd. He picked me and even winked at me! I don't know if he recognized me from earlier at the hospital or not, but that was cool.

I got up there and then looked around at everyone and really wondered what on earth had possessed me to want to dance on stage in front of everyone. I saw a ton of people from the hospital that I work with and was really embarrassed, but I figured I'd just go with it and have fun. They played a cover of 867-5309 and we all jumped around like idiots. One girl had to stop because she said she wasn't wearing a bra and then this other girl was a skank jumpin around in little white shorts and I don't think she had underwear on. Oh well. I felt a little out of place with some of those girls. They were rubbing all up on him and everything. I'm still kinda embarrassed when I look at the video and stuff, but figured I'd share it and just be proud I had the guts to get up there.

I'm going to try and load a bunch of my old videos on my youtube page. I'll try and keep it updated. Check out the link on the right.

Some balls are held for charity and some for fancy dress, but when they are held for pleasure, they're the balls that I like best. - ACDC, Big Balls

A few months ago I ran into a Chaplain that I knew from Officer Indoc. He later invited me to be his guest at the Marine Corps Birthday ball at the US Embassy in Kuwait City.

I got to go! Not only that...but my CO signed my memo stating that I could participate in the open bar! The down side. For military, the dress was our camis. All the civilian women were wearing beautiful dresses. But, alas.

I ran home from work today, showered and cleaned up real nice. Chaplain picked me up and we grabbed my weapon and then sbux before heading off base. We got to the Embassy and they had a cocktail hour at first. I got to meet all sorts of big wigs and important people. For the civilians that live here, this is THE event of the year. I met so many people that worked for Chevron. It was strange....why a ton of people from Chevron would be at the USMC ball? I got nothing. I also saw some of the navy nurses I knew from my detachments that were sent to different camps.

I met one woman who graduated from Texas Tech's law school back in the day so we talked about that for a while. Who would have known??

Tons of enlisted and higher up officers, but like always, barely any junior officers to meet and greet with. There were a couple. The guys that Chaplain knew were pretty cool and it was neat to be a navy person invited.

I've been to 2 Marine Corps balls in the past, but I was with enlisted guys and I was not in the military. This was totally different! Almost not as fun, but I felt more honor out of it. This time I actually stood at attention when they played our national anthem, had colors, played Anchors Aweigh and Marine Corps Hymn. Very cool.

Good dinner. Good dancing. I had beer! (The first time since July) It was a really great night. I almost felt like I wasn't even in Kuwait...had it not been for me wearing camis. This is going to be a night I will remember for a long time.

Semper Fi and happy birthday Marines! (a little early birthday wish)

Check out more pictures HERE.

Tonight this 'hood will be a pyre, I'm gonna set your house on fire. I'll dance around the pretty flames, such a wonderful game. - Offspring, Burn It

Oh my good lord! We did it! I took some ambien and slept from 4pm-midnight, then woke up and couldn't sleep any more. I "decorated" a fellow nurses' room, who happens to be a Texas alumn. Then, grabbed my monster energy drinks, got dressed in all my Texas Tech stuff and went to the hospital to set up on the quarter deck to watch the game! My stomach was in knots the entire time! Both my friend and I hung our flags up and both prayed God would smile on our teams. I just knew it. It's our time to show the nation what we are capable of!

-first intercollegiate football game: October 3, 1925
-1932, the program joined the Border Intercollegiate Athletic Association. Five years later, the team won its first conference championship and was invited to the Sun Bowl
-1960, Texas Tech was admitted to the Southwest Conference (SWC). The Red Raiders won conference co-championships in 1976 and 1994.[7] The team remained in the SWC until the conference ceased operations 1996. Following the dissolution of the SWC, the university became a charter member of the Big 12 Conference
-The team has the distinction of being the only one in the Big 12 to have a winning season each year since the conference was created in 1996.
-On November 1, 2008, the Red Raiders defeated long time rivals Texas Longhorns in an upset 39-33 Texas Tech; the historical game marked the Red Raiders' 500th win and is currently deemed the "biggest game in Texas Tech History."

(That was all taken from Wikipedia. They already amended it to include the game the other night. Sweet.)

Everyone just jumps on whoever is hot at the time. Everyone would cheer for UT just because the name was out there. So many of the guys that gave me a hard time all week leading up to the game had NO idea what our team was like. They saw it Saturday night. It was great to see their faces. We came out of no where for them. Best feeling in the world.

I seriously can't explain my happiness for the city and school. It's so exciting to be part of a school who is just getting to their prime. Everyone else has had their time. It's our turn!

I really hope we can continue with the next two games. Oklahoma State will be a tough game this week and then we have a bye and then OU. If we can hold out and play the same way with those two teams, this will be the most amazing season of football!

Man, my heart was right there with all the thousands and thousands of black shirt students that ran on the field....3 times...and with the hearts of all Red Raiders watching in bars, at Victory Park in Dallas, overseas locations, deployed military camps. (haha!) When Crabtree caught that pass my heart stopped and I fell down in front of the tv on my knees. Simply amazing.

And the victory bells will ring out!

I believe in you, even though I be outnumbered. - Bob Dylan, I Believe In You

A past patient of mine out here sent me his reasons why Texas Tech will win tonight and I like them!
1. If Tech wins Texas falls in the rankings from #1 and moves up other schools
2. My brother is an A&M alumnae
3. Texas is soooo overated!
4. Texas Tech produces cute female Naval Officers! ;-)

Especially #4. Now, there are tons of people actually backing us up on this. Just google Texas Tech football and you'll get allllllll kinds of news stories.

Hold on to this Tech!

She looks uptown, but she ain't really. She's into football, she likes my chili. - John Anderson, Somebody Slap Me

As his team raced onto the field, he gazed into the stands filled with screaming fans and wondered about the several thousand “cadets” from Texas A.&M. clustered in one end zone. They wear military uniforms and buzz cuts, holler in unison and stand at attention the entire game. “How come they get to pretend they are soldiers?” he asked. “The thing is, they aren’t actually in the military. I ought to have Mike’s Pirate School. The freshmen, all they get is the bandanna. When you’re a senior, you get the sword and skull and crossbones. For homework, we’ll work pirate maneuvers and stuff like that.” ~Mike Leach in 2006.

A great article about Mike Leach


Another one about Mike Leach and picking our new kicker!

All of Lubbock has gone crazy.Hotels are at max capacity for a 100 mile radius around the town. ESPN's GameDay team will be heading and setting up on campus. It's one of the biggest things the town has seen. I'm so excited for them. Lubbock and Tech has grown so much in the past 10 years.

We have a chance tonight. A chance to show the world that we're not just talk. We mean buisness. No one ever will watch our game, but they just hear about us and assume we're mediocre. I don't think that we are this year. Maybe our past hasn't shown how good we can be, but I hope we can show that tonight. It's on. It's going to be vicious. And I hope we don't blow this chance.

What I hate is that it's all or nothing. If we win...I'm sure they'll make excuses for Texas losing. The wind was in our favor, the refs were calling bad calls, the sun was in Colt McCoy's eyes. If we lose, they'll just say, "see. We always knew they were a crap team." Even though we're going up against the #1 team. It's so black and white with our school. I can't wait until people finally start to open their eyes.

Again. I hope we don't blow this chance.

Plus, I really don't want to lose this bet.