Must be the season of the witch. - Donovan, Season Of The Witch

Just about time for trick or treating. I found out I can dress up at work on Halloween. I need to find a costume stat. I thought about going as a nursing student and dig out my old scrubs. That would be comfortable and easy.

I came back from hot Texas to a cool DC. As I drive down the road I have colorful leaves raining down on me like snow. I love that. I love having real seasons. The trees are so beautiful when they change color. We actually even have a freeze advisory tonight. Crazy. I am so looking forward to digging out all my sweaters and coats....and then eventually my snowboard! :) The past few days were overcast and rainy. We hadn't gotten rain in so long. I actually loved that it was dark and dreary. I really think I would love Seattle. Yes, San Diego would be beautiful...but I really think after months of the same weather, I would get bored. Great to vacation at or stay a few years, but I need a place where you can see the seasons of the year. It reminds me how amazing our God is that can create such a masterpiece.

I have been doing charge nurse orientation last night and the night before. Last night, I was pretty much on my own. I didn't think I would like charge...but overall, it was a nice change! It was a lot of putting orders in and checking charts, but still. I was able to run around and make sure my staff was all happy and everything was running smoothly. Maybe I am set up for management. Hmm. I was still able to go make rounds around the floor and visit with patients and help out when there was a crisis. Tonight, I'm on the floor, but that's okay. I get a few days off.

Fall into the single file line and complete the plans. - Stone Temple Pilots, Army Ants

These are just a few of the hundreds of pictures Ray took at C4! I saved some and have them on facebook. Here are the links to the three photo albums:

http://ttu.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2185151&l=ca89f&id=16706036

http://ttu.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2185149&l=93099&id=16706036

http://ttu.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2185143&l=40159&id=16706036

Then as it was, then again it will be. Though the course may change sometimes, rivers always reach the sea. - Led Zeppelin, 10 Years Gone

These are some pics from the 2 days leave I took after C4 in S.A. My sis and her friend came up to see me. We went to a haunted house, the riverwalk, our patio (which had a bar about a block from it so we had live music!), and the farmers market. There are some pics from the club that I fell in love with. Nerve Ana was the name. Clever. Well, they have a 70's, 80's, and 90's room. We found these army and air force guys there that were hilarious. They were having "dance offs". I think they were trying to see who looked more retarded dancing to 80's music. It kept us entertained all night. This trip restored my faith in San Antonio. I had more fun on the riverwalk this trip to Texas than any other time!

Whatever road you choose, I'm right behind you win or lose. - Rod Stewart, Forever Young

First off. Here's a video. It's about 6 minutes. It shows why the medical and surgical teams do what they do overseas. http://www.militarytimes.com/multimedia/video/rpg_surgery

These pictures are just a few of the ones taken. The ones where we were actually in the field are on my disposable camera that I have to get developed. Okay, so these are our "hutmets". That's our "home". We would be busy most of the time, and then would have random time to do nothing....so we'd listen to our ipods, lay on the cot and enjoy the breeze when we had one, discuss wanting to go to the bathroom after eating all the damn mre's, talk about which mre's are the best and share the m&m's if anyone was lucky enough to get one of those.

The first few days we were bused from camp bullis over to fort sam for our professional classes. All the nurses attended TNCC. (trauma nursing care course) Somehow I managed to pass the written and skills test. Weee. Those were long days of classes.

Then, Monday we woke up at the buttcrack of dawn, loaded the duce and a half and drove our convoy out to our little campsite. We had our duffle bag, ruck sack, vest, and weapon that we had to lug around. That's some tough stuff. I don't know how some of the guys do this for marches. So, Monday we had some briefs and then broke up and learned land navigation, security operations, how to call a medevac on the radio, weapons familiarization, decontamination if a chemical/biological threat hit us, how to do field dressings, how to load ambulances out in the field. It was a fun day.
Tuesday, we marched out and set up a navy FAS (forward aid station). Basically, a small tent used to get guys straight from the field wounded, triage, patch them up and make them stable, and get them straight on a medevac. We took turns doing different roles. Sometimes, we carried the patients as a litter carrier, once I was the medevac officer in charge of the status of all the patients and when they were going to get a medevac out. Sometimes, we got to be the physicians or corpsmen working on the patients. Some of the other students were playing injured patients. After lunch, we switched and now I got to be the injured patient. That was fun. Later that day, we went on mock convoys. We turned a corner and found that an IED had hit a truck and there were dummies injured and laying everywhere. We had to jump out of the truck, run and set up a perimeter and let the corpsmen triage and bandage the patient and we got them on the ambulances. That whole thing actually gave me goosebumps. I can't imagine doing it for the real thing. Then, we learned how the army BAS (battalion aid station) worked. Very similar to the navy FAS, but a little smaller.
Wednesday we went to this training facility and went through their tactical simulator. That almost made me pee my pants. It was like a haunted house. Dark, smoky, noisy (people screaming and gunfire going off) and we had to run in rooms, clear them, and find the mannequins and pull them to safety and treat them. It gives you a fraction of an idea of what it's like to be a line corpsmen or medic. You have to work on these wounded guys without being able to see very well or hear if they're breathing and you have the fear of being shot yourself the whole time. It was great training. Then, we went to the litter obstacle course. Oh dear God that was hard. We were on litter teams carrying a mannequin through the woods. Over tall walls, over creeks, through a freaking sand pit with barbed wire, etc. The mannequin was only 140 lbs too! In real life he'd be like 200 or more with all his gear etc. I was freaking exhausted after that run. And these guys do it all the time! We went back to our hutmets that day and got to shower!
Thursday was graduation and everyone but the navy left. We navy folk went out on the range all day to play with guns. Weee. That night, we all cleaned up and went to the riverwalk. That was seriously the BEST freaking time I have ever had on the riverwalk. We went bar hoping, dancing for hours in this one place that has 70's, 80's, and 90's music. It was freaking hilarious.

Things that were typical military:
-briefs. bah.
-waking up to someone banging on my door yelling "reveille"
-mre's. by the way....always add cheese and tobasco and it makes it much better. the sloppy joe and jambalaya ones are excellent!
-no shower
-sweaty kevlar strap that made me break out and look like a leper
-cots. way too small. how do these big guys do it. it killed my back. thankfully, the docs all came around and aligned our backs for us! :)
-gross humor. that's the best. the sad thing is....i had heard some of that stuff that even the guys hadn't all heard!

Not typical military: ( yay being an officer...we're not watched as much. haha)
-a night of streaking by the young, army docs! Just combat boots and gas masks.....I saw too much that night!!!
-stripping on top of your cot while changing in our coed tents with flashlights dancing around.
-mannequins with legs blown off and not the real thing. it gives you an idea, but still not the real thing.

We all spent a lot of time at the USO at the san antonio airport. It's like my home away from home. I would curl up with a blanket and take a nap in a leather recliner. It is the best place to hang out when I'm waiting for a flight!

It was such amazing training. The instructors were army, navy, and air force NCO's that have all been in combat. Some of the corpsmen were in fallujah when that big force hit years ago. One army guy was with the rangers in Somalia (like on black hawk down). They all would sit down and tell us stories. I can't imagine seeing what they've seen. They were the best teachers and instructors. It was supposed to prepare us so if we're in iraq and on a convoy and it gets hit, we know what to do and what everyone else is doing. Scary thought, but it happens. Again, I can't really stop this war and it's only going to get worse because other countries are losing to the radicals, but I can at least be there to help with medical aid to try and limit the loss.

More pictures will be up later.

One was Texas medicine, the other was just railroad gin, and like a fool I mixed them. - Bob Dylan, Stuck Inside Of Mobile With The Memphis Blues Agai

Okay, kiddos. I'm leavin on a jetplane...don't know when I'll be back again.

Wait. I'm leaving tomorrow early morning. I do know when I'm coming back. But still. I'm leaving tomorrow morning to go to San Antonio for my field medicine trauma course! I've been talking about it enough, huh? It's finally here. Well, the first few days are my trauma nursing course. Then, we go out to the field to set up a hospital. :) It's going to be a blast! I hear it's a ton of fun. I get to hang out with all the branches, so I'll meet some cool army and air force peeps. I have all my cammis ready (which freaked me out when I first put them on!) and got my dogtags made.

I get liberty on the night of the 25th. Anyone want to stop by S.A. and see me??? I can stay somewhere overnight as long as I'm back in the morning because I get to try and get expert on my pistol qual on Friday. Then! Friday afternoon when I'm all done I'm meeting up with my best friend, my sis, and her best friend. All corners of Texas unite! They're coming from Dallas, Houston, and Austin. haha. I took leave that Saturday and Sunday and I fly back Sun afternoon. I'm wickedly happy to see them!

Anywho. Guess I should get some sleep!!!!

Room service, baby I could use a meal, room service, you do what you feel. - KISS, Room Service

Customer service. That is the topic today, kids.

It dawned on me today that I've chosen to do pretty much anything online. Shop, pay bills, browse for apartments, find potential mates, and now print out labels to send packages. Maybe it's the night schedule. Maybe it's that customer service in general has just started to SUCK and I'd rather do all my work for me instead of rely on other people. This all came to my head as I was printing some fedex labels. I have a fedex place right nextdoor, but usually the people that work there are missing a few screws. I found it is much easier to print and pay for my shipping and just walk in the store and put it on the counter and leave. My conversation with the worker went like this

Me (walks in and places the packages on the counter) "The labels are all on. Is that all??"
Worker: "Yes, that's fine. Just set them right here."
Me (sets them on the scale)
Worker: "That's all. Have a good day."
Me: "You too."

excellent. Easy. Way too easy. What do people really get paid for anymore? I check out my own groceries. I fill up my gas tank. Then, when you actually ask for help at a store...you usually get a blank stare and broken english and pointed in the exact wrong direction in the store.

I went to walmart today. Only the 2nd time since I've moved up here a year ago. Well, they were doing some type of inventory thing. There were workers everywhere bumping into you and blocking isles. I was saying "excuse me" at every turn. Did I ever get one back or a smile. NO. They looked at me like I was in THEIR way. wtf? Maybe we all have come to depend on electronics so much that we are losing our social skills and kindness.

Now, I talked about the amazing apartment I found in Bethesda earlier. Well, I've been on their waiting list since the beginning of Sept. They all assured me that I would get a place by the end of November. Now, nothing is available through November. I am SO screwed. Because my rent increased and I'm paying extra to pay month to month, I"m paying over $1400 a month in rent. That's right! $1400. That does not include: gas, electric, water, sewage, and cable. Again. I'm screwed. I kinda chewed out the woman in the office at the place in Bethesda today. I never really do that....but I depended on her. She made me feel like I had no reason to look anywhere else. So, I didn't. Now, I'm scrambling. Customer service people! Help out your fellow man! Especially, if that's your job! Now, she's telling me all the exact opposite that she told me in September. Plus, I'm going to C4 Thursday and not getting back til the 22nd and I need to give my 30 day notice by the 24th if I don't want to pay any more months here. I'm screwed. I'm looking for roommates, apartments, anything. Everything is too expensive or way too far, in which case I'd end up spending hours in traffic or paying too much in gas and putting wear on my car. Damn.

Lord. I'm praying right now that you show me something because I'm on the verge of drowning. I thought You had shown me that apartment because it was the one for me. Specially chosen. Everything was exactly what I needed!! Please come through for me. I'm starting to dwindle on my faith right now.

I'm also praying we all start to buck up and start actually working at our jobs and helping people in need.

All we can do is keep breathing -Keep Breathing by Ingrid Michaelson

I could write my name by the age of three
and I don't need anyone to cut my meat for me.
I'm a big girl now, see my big girl shoes.
It'll take more than just a breeze to make me

Fall over, fall over, fall overboard, overboard.
Fall overboard just so you can catch me.

But as strong as I seem to think I am my distressing damsel,
She comes out at night when the moon's filled up and your eyes are
bright, then I think I simply aught to

Fall over, fall over, fall overboard, overboard.
Fall overboard just so you can catch me.
You can catch me.

I watch the ships go sailing by
I play the girl will you play the guy.
And I never thought I'd be the type
to fall, to fall, to fall, to fall to fall.

To fall over, fall over, fall overboard, overboard.
Fall overboard just so you can catch me.
You can catch me, you can catch me, you can catch-

I watch the ships go sailing by I be your girl will you be my guy.
And I never thought I'd be the type to fall, to fall.

To fall, to fall, to fall...

To fall over, fall over, fall overboard, overboard.
Fall overboard just so you can catch me.
You can catch me, you can catch me.

~Overboard by Ingrid Michaelson

I relate to this song. I've always grown up independent. My dad would never get my bags. He would never wipe down my windshield when it was snowing and icing. He would never baby me if I fell and scraped my knee. Just some spray and a band-aid and encouragement to get back in the game.

There have been times I want to do things myself. But, then..there are nights it's nice to have someone carry my groceries for me or make my bed (that's always a really nice touch guys!). I think deep down I don't want to be that independent girl. My problem is...when I let go of my independence, I do it all the way. I let go of the rope with both hands and hold onto the guy. Then, when the guy ends up leaving me, I'm left falling. How long do I fall? How long until I get a hold of that rope again....just to let go and hold another guy? I think that's why I'm going to hold that rope tighter from now on....at least keep one hand on it for a while. I think that's why near the end I try and grab on tighter. I can feel myself slipping and I can see the bottom of the cliff and I know what's going to happen to me when he's gone. I'm going to be a little more cautious with the rope now.

I had wanted to settle down. I had wanted to turn it all in. For him. I was going to do it. Twice. You'd think I'd had learned my lesson the first time in college when I gave up a dream for a boy and then he left. At least, this time, I had gotten my dream and then he left. But still. I was already thinking I would get out after my contract. Now, I'm free to move on. I think that's why I'm so restless. I have no reason to settle and stay in one place. I felt that for a moment before and look where it's gotten me. I was going to settle and that was shattered. I now want to move on and keep moving. Good news is I'll have friends at other duty stations. Lyndsy and I are already talking about possibly going to Japan or the west coast together. I hope someday we'll be stationed at the same place. We'd be in trouble. I can settle with the idea of not settling. Maybe I'll find another reason to stay in one place. Maybe I'll find another person.

Maybe.

She was standing by the Space Invaders, so I said, can I meet you later? - Ramones, 7-11

Starting all over can be hard. Jobs, new apartments, new cities, new friends, relationships, languages, computer programs, etc. I'm trying. That's the most important part. I've got to make the effort to get out there. It's tough. And fun at times. Exciting. Why is it we get so comfortable in the familiar and find it so difficult to try something new? I give it the "old college try"....but usually just end up thinking, "hm. That was fun. I tried it, right?" and moving on to something else. I'm such a complex character. I like change...and then don't...but usually opt for it anyway. I think I'm a wanderer. I can see if a hot billet opened up next summer/fall for Japan, I would jump on it right away and just hug everyone goodbye and leave. Not that I don't like it wherever I am, but I just tend to keep thinking there is something bigger out there waiting for me somewhere else. Then, I go there. Enjoy my time and figure I should move on to somewhere else. I have been keeping my plans the same though lately. Japan next, then either San Diego or Seattle for grad school. Whichever one I go to for school, I will probably try for the other one as my next duty station. Back to my initial topic. New things. I tried a new restaurant tonight. It's a seafood market by my apartment. It was okay. Slightly disappointed. I had built it up in my head. Maybe that's what's wrong with new things. I build them up to be something great...and when they're not what I think, I get let down and curse the new thing. Restaurants are a big topic as far as trying something new. I always take new people visiting to matchbox. My fav place. Brit likes Uncle Julio's in Bethesda, so when she picks, we go there. Tanya likes On the Border. Jess and I both like La Madeline's, so that works out!

Okay, now I'm just talking about nothing. It shocks me that anyone would even want to read this. Maybe they don't and I'm just amusing myself. I still figure if any of my friends back home want to see what I'm up to without having to call, they can check here. K. Next subject....

I'm finally going to the Black Cat tomorrow. It's a big live music venue place in DC that has bands play pretty much every night. I've wanted to go since I moved here last year and I have a free night tomorrow and someone to go with me, so I'm going. The bands that are playing sound great when I listen to them on myspace. The Blow and Saturday Looks Good to Me are playing. I wish we had an indie radio station. We don't, and I'm surprised being that I live in very liberal DC. wtf? There's one for college park, but I don't pick it up very well. Maybe I should look into satellite radio. Instead, I just end up clicking my money away on itunes. :)

Memories, pressed between the pages of my mind. Memories, sweetened through the ages just like wine. - Elvis Presley, Memories

Things that spark a feeling or emotion in me
.the hill by the Ballpark in Arlington
.the smell of crisp, early fall mornings
.Lifehouse "Hanging by a moment"
.my red nursing scrubs from Tech
.subarus
.4 runners
.starbucks
.death cab for cutie
.midori ::shutters::
.the aim cash register buddy alert sound


Every day, every minute it seems, I'm cast back into time. Be it growing up, high school and my first experience with love, college and learning all about myself, or other lost loves that still seem to linger with me. It's as if images, smells, songs all burn themselves in my brain and I can't get them to go away even if I tried. I know I really want them all to stay. They are good memories, but when you realize they are just memories and the moment is gone....they become bad.

I'm getting to the point where I'm afraid to start developing new ones. I know now in a few years, they will become those dreaded thoughts that I can't let go of. Reminding me of a time in my life that I learned, grew, loved, or struggled....but a time that I made it through and survived. I'm trying to just stop and smile that I had those feelings at one point in my life....and embrace the fact that I do want to have more like that. I do want to have someone hold me some day. I want to hear someone say they love me. I miss having friends close where we wake up and start goofing off, even if it's 4 in the morning (Lyndsy!). I miss hot tubs and drinking wine coolers! I miss snuggling with my favorite couple when I'm feeling unattractive or completely crushed by a guy.

I miss seeing my grandmother tear up when I would go and see her.

Crime is increasing, trigger happy policing. Panic is spreading, God knows where we're heading. - Marvin Gaye, Inner City Blues

I was actually looking for the Saturn Commercial "Rethink Excess". I love it. I was talking to one of my good friends today and we were just discussing how our country's priorities have gotten all f-ed up. These days it's more important to drive the expensive car than be at home and teach your child to ride a bike. I heard a conversation on the morning radio show I listen to that was saying it was better for both parents to work and provide a nice home and future for their children and pay for a nanny or day care. I don't see that. What has happened to our country? Work to buy your kids more things....so that when they grow up, they will always want more? I'm going through this right now myself. I see girls in magazines and want new clothes. I play with iphones and instantly have to have one. I see homes in Pottery Barn and want a designer living room suite. I see fast, hot cars and want a new one.

Everything I really need right now I already have! Since the beginning of this month, I have really questioned myself before buying things. I do actually need a real couch and living room furniture, so instead of spending my money on little things here and there that I need, I'm saving it up. My friends told me about a sale at Old Navy. I knew if I went I would end up spending too much. I have enough clothes as it is. So, I didn't go. I feel so good about that decision.

Back to my conversation with my friend. It all came up because we're looking around and seeing so many unhappy people. I won't go into details, but I know so many people who need or are looking to start on medication for anxiety or depression. It seems working has just taken over everyone's life and we live under so much pressure to be the best and have the best that when we don't get it, we don't know how to be comfortable.

I'm going through a big change phase. I'm starting to eat more healthy. I stopped smoking at work again. I had gotten in the habit of going on smoke breaks with my coworkers. That's done. I'm back to working out. I'm setting up my investment fund for retirement. I'm just rethinking what I want my life to be like. I'm happy with what I have. I just have to remind myself sometimes of that fact. It's really brought a change in how I feel. I think our country needs a huge wake up call. We need to take care of each other. Look out for our coworkers. Quit trying to one-up each other.

I've decided my happy pill will be my multivitamin.

Oh, one more thing I have to vent about. This new show "Gossip Girl". Please. I'm already sick of seeing Paris and Nicole run around and spend money everywhere while doing nothing. I don't need to see a tv show about it. Why does our country find this entertaining??

If you don't get it the first time, back up and try it again. - James Brown, If You Don't Get It Right The First Time...

One year ago today I checked into OIS with Kerry in Newport, RI. Now, a year later, I ask myself this question:

If I had it to do all over again knowing what I know now, would I do it again?


I don't think I have an answer. In a way, I've always been told you can't ask yourself things like that. If we knew the future on most things, we wouldn't do half the stuff we want to do. I probably wouldn't have. That doesn't mean that I don't want to be where I am. But, the fear would have stopped me. I never in a million years imagined this would be such a hard road. I never thought I would have lost a certain someone over this. I never thought I would miss my friends so much.

I have grown more in this last year than I ever have thought I could though. Life seems to keep me on my toes these days and it's exciting. It has been the best lesson of life that God could have sent me.

One of my friends is starting out processing from the Army this week. It's so strange to think about. He's moving back to Texas. I laugh to myself because of all those times I told my friends that were in the military to just suck it up and deal with it and that it's not that bad....and now I can see what they were upset about. But, at the same time, I just talked to a friend who's working at a civilian hospital and she started explaining her upsets about work and it was the exact same stuff I'm bothered by! Same type of politics. Would it really be any different if I got out?

I'm just going to get what I can from it while I'm here.

The world looks just the same, and the history ain't changed, cause the banners they are flown in the next war. - The Who, Won't Get Fooled Again

My parents are in town. They've made a trip up to Illinois, then New Hampshire, then Boston, and now here. It has been a beautiful weekend. High around the 70's. Sunny skies. On Sat, we started at Chinatown and ate lunch and saw the Portrait gallery, then walked down 7th to see the Navy memorial and down Pennsylvania Ave (watching the huge war protest) to 1st street to the botanical gardens. After that, we headed to Dupont circle and got coffee and desert and people watched. Today, we went to Mt Vernon (Washington's home). I had been as a kid, but this was more fun. Plus, they were having this huge festival. There were colonial crafts and people dressed in character. Let me tell you....even men back then in uniform were hot! :) The front gate to Washington's estate was built by Texans and there is a big plaque and on the map it says the "Texan gate". hehe. I also got a picture by a painting of Stephen F. Austin in the portrait gallery.

I have a meeting tomorrow about pre-deployment stuff. Apparently, even though I'm an alternate to go to Africa, I still have to do everything to get ready. My mom was nice enough to sew on my patches on my bdu's for C4 though. That saved me like $40.

It's going to be a busy week, but I hope to get on here later and write something decent.

I go for all the belles, except the wedding kind. - Elvis Presley, Smorgasbord

Wow. Everything is all about weddings...and it's not even mine. I looked at my list of friends on facebook today and 4 out of the 6 pictures included girls in wedding dresses or hands freshly adorned with engagement rings. Weird.

I do like it when it's my friend though and I know she's happy and ready for it. I enjoy being able to look at the flowers and the dresses, etc. I had torn my bride magazines to shreds after I realized that it wasn't going to happen. I cursed theknot.com. I nearly threw up at the talk of weddings. But, now. It's kinda fun. I get to talk about what I thought was pretty and fun without having to stress about it being mine.

I've been on the opposite shift as everyone lately, so I've been getting comfortable doing things by myself. Going to movies, reading in coffee shops, walking around town, eating out. This morning, after PT and running errands around work, I stopped at La Madeline's for breakfast. I sat there enjoying my quiche florentine and my hazlenut latte, watching the rain fall outside. It was relaxing and peaceful. I haven't had many moments like that lately. I pulled out my book and began to read. Suddenly I was back to the seventeenth century hearing Thomas Jefferson speak about religion in this country...and then I was at Jamestown learning about the difference between Quakers vs Puritans and Anglicans. And then....what is that sound? "aaaahhhhhhhhh".....then silence. Noises from the cafe continue like static on a tv....ah...back to my world....."aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh"......i look up, one eyebrow raising as I look behind me. A mother with her two children are a few tables back and the youngest, I'm guessing about 2, are having breakfast. It gets quiet again and I dive back into early Virginia. "Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhh".....Nostrils flaring, I turn around and look again. The mother never looks up. This continues for about 10 more minutes until they get up to leave. I probably should have just gone and said something, but what could she have done? He wasn't crying....just probably learning how to express sound from his mouth and was excited by this. I was not. I have grown this utter distain for children lately. It bothers me when, on the rare occasion, they get in my way on the metro....or run in circles around me at the grocery store. I shutter when I see parents with their children running around the hospitals for appts and the kids are acting up and running up and down escalators, while the parents are screaming.

I used to absolutely love children. And at times, still do. But, I am just not at the stage right now where I could ever imagine having one of my own. It's a good thing, I guess. I know I will get back into that stage and want badly for my own baby...but right now I'm in a selfish phase. It's a fun stage.

One more thing. My tv has been broken since last Thursday. This stinks. The good thing, it's forcing me to get out more and start reading all the books I have bought recently.

Can you spot Julia Stiles?

I remember this commerical. Now watching it, I can see Julia Stiles. Crazy.

Rushing to the treadmill. - Creedence Clearwater Revival, Commotion

Okay, at least I'm not the only one who dances when she's on the treadmill.

Why do I feel you hear these prayers of mine, when so many ought to be ahead of me in line? - Clay Walker, Questions

After months of searching for an apartment, I found the perfect one. Well, I didn't find it. I was led to it after a lot of prayer. God is seriously working hard for me right now.

It's less than a mile from work (I'm planning on walking/running/biking to work)
Downtown Bethesda in the middle of everything
4 blocks from the metro
It has a partnership with the navy so I get it at a discount and no deposit
No pet deposit
Utilities included
Parking garage
Rooftop pool
A few blocks from Rock Bottom Brewery
...and it has great reviews from the residents online!

I went and put my name on the list for the size I want. They said one should be opening up this month. I can't wait! It took a lot of running around getting paperwork from the navy and the housing department, but I got it done. I cannot wait. But, it's nerve racking. I have to plan it out and let my apartment now know when I"m moving. I have to figure out how I'm moving. I'm also going to C4 Oct 11th-22nd....so I won't be here to pack and whatnot.

I went and got my camis for C4 today. So, contingency will give them to you for free and you add on the patches and whatnot, but then I have to return them. EH?? He said they're phasing out the woodland camis. Well, then why do I have to give them back? Plus, they don't even reuse the used ones. So, I still have to pay for all the stuff to be added, just to rip them off. Actually, I might have my mom sew them on. Of course, it's not like I would ever use them again anyway, so they would just take up space.

Speaking of. My mom and dad are going on their 25th wedding anniversary trip Friday. They're going up to Illinois to see my brother, then up to New Hampshire to see long lost relatives and then down to see me. My mom still hasn't seen me in dc. Then, they'll travel through the Shenandoah Valley and all that scenic area. I'm so excited they get to come.

I think when I request to transfer off my floor I will put the following floors in order that I would like to go:
1. ICU
2. ER
3. PACU

I'd like to get the ICU experience since I'm here. At least get it under my belt. I'm so glad I did my year on med/surg. I have learned so much about time management and basic nursing skills.

I've been so scatterbrained lately. I have a lot going on and I feel like I've been moving 100 mph. The corpsmen last night were laughing at me because I was talking really fast and wouldn't sit down. It seems once I start moving, I can't slow down. Before I know it, it will be December and I will be watching snow fall over downtown Bethesda.

I like a good beer buzz early in the morning. - Sheryl Crow, All I Wanna Do

A tribute to beer! I had slowly compiled a bunch of the tasty treet recently from leftover get-togethers and trips. Well, in the past few days, that number has dwindled down fast. It's just so good...once it hits your lips! haha.

Here's to beer!

Oh, and I have also realized....every time I start to question if I want to stay in the navy or get out when my time comes....the next day when I've had time to think about it, I realize that I want to stay in. As long as I still love it. :) Which I do.

On the outskirts of nowhere, on the ringroad to somewhere, on the verge of indecision. - Marillion, Bitter Suite

Every couple of months I go through this dark night of contemplating what I'm doing with my life. A few beers later, this is what I'm stuck at...

I LOVE the navy and everything it has to offer me. I've met some of the best friends I could ever meet. I've seen places (only Newport, Boston, and here so far) that I would have never seen had it not been for the navy. I love serving our country and our country's men and women. I love the family that is the navy. I love talking to retired chiefs that tell me stories about WWII and being shot down. I love DC. I love that I've been able to learn how to snowboard and take roadtrips to Norfolk, Virginia. I wouldn't trade a single second of it.

But, then I think of home. I think of my best friends buying houses, getting married, starting out in their career.........without me. Will I regret not being there for all of it?? Will I look back on my life and wish that I had been there with my real, true friends from home?


On the other hand, I'm sure if I got out and moved back to Texas, I would get bored there after a while. Damn. I just go back and forth. I have a few more years to figure it all out, but still. Plus, I can't make up my mind on what I want to do with my life. What do I want to do with my career? Clinical Nurse Specialist? Nurse Educator? Bah.

This sounds silly to admit, but part of me feels almost like I'm not as good of a nurse because I'm not in the ICU. All my friends that graduated went ICU. They're saving lives, etc...I mean, I guess, so am I...but it's not intense and top-dog. But, med/surg is a whole lot harder than I ever thought. Having 6 patients that are all in the hospital for different reasons and having to keep it all straight and manage my time is way hard. And, surprisingly, I actually enjoy it. It's starting to wear me out, but I love it. It's coming up on a year now that I've been on the floor and I can choose to go to another floor. I can't decide at this point. Where do I want to go? Hmm. I guess I'll put in my list of where I'd like to go and pray that it works out.

And. I'm lonely. I feel silly admitting that to the internet world, but I've had a few, or 4 beers, so I'm talking nonsense. I don't think I would miss having someone in my life as much if I was closer to my friends. I miss my days at Tech where I lived with Merrill and had Matt and Ethan a building over...and Shelley and Aimee another building over....and I could just walk there day and night. I miss my best friend. Shelley, I miss you. Just remembering those times brings tears to my eyes. I think it's all being brought on by football season. I see all my friends going to tailgate for the Tech Vs. SMU game....and for the first time the other day I watched college football by myself. That never happened in school. We always had somewhere to hang out at in a group or something. See, last year this time I was too busy getting ready and joining the navy, so I didn't miss it. Now, I'm alone and sitting and missing having that other person on the couch with me watching and cheering and bitching about bad calls and great plays. No guys live up to Texas guys either. I miss that comfortable feeling. Dating can be exciting, but it can also be confusing and difficult.

I think I'm going to be moving into a studio in downtown Bethesda next month. I'm way excited about that. It's less than a mile from work, so I'm probably going to ride a bike or walk to work and I'll be right by the Bethesda metro so now it'll be much easier for my friends to visit me. No one wants to come over to Silver Spring, but maybe if I'm in Bethesda, they'll come and see me. There are places to shop and eat at all around the complex. Rock bottom brewery is only about 2 blocks from it! I think it'll be much better for me to be over there. My friends and I will be much closer.

Overall, it's just the scary thought of life. Where am I heading? What am I doing? Will I regret anything later?

I just have to live. No regrets. I'm having the ultimate time of my life and I will never lose my friends back home. They're still there. We still talk. Nothing will take our bonds away.

You have to excuse the rambling. I've been drinking and I've been on nights too long. I think after this schedule I'll ask Judy to put me back on days for a bit.

AH. I feel much better. Thank you blogger for always being there to let me release my thoughts.

Kind of wish I was dead. Maybe, I'll blow my brains out, mama, or maybe I'll go bowling. - Weird Al Yankovic, Generic Blues

Jessica, Jeff, and I ventured to Lucky Strikes this Friday. We first met up at Clyde's. I enjoy that bar every time I go. This was the first time for me to sit at a bar by myself. It actually wasn't too bad. The bartender was pretty cool too, so we chatted a bit. Lucky Strikes is this hip/trendy bowling alley they have in major cities. It was fun and all....good music and fun chairs and lights, but I honestly think the classic dirty bowling alley is much more fun. How much fun can it really be without a nasty, fat guy in the lane next to us, a pitcher of beer, and rental shoes I have to wear 2 socks with so I take away the fear of getting foot fungus?

Here are some pics. I was def tipsy and just pretty much ran up to the lane and threw the ball at whatever direction.

After we did that, we stopped by Haagen Dazs to feed my munchies. It was delicious.

Now, I have a question. My lease is coming up in October and it doesn't look like I'll be going on the deployment in January. I'm on the alternative list. So, to roommate or not to roommate?

Perks of living by myself:
1. I have found some cute studios
2. No one stealing my food
3. I can walk around naked
4. If I have anyone over, I don't have to worry about them bothering my roommate
5. Don't have to worry about a roommate bringing people over
6. I can keep it as clean or as dirty as I want
7. If I do get deployed at any point, I can just use my military clause and get out of my place and put my stuff in storage

Perks of living with a roommate:
1. Someone to do stuff with
2. Split the bills
3. Easier to get cute things for the apartment
4. Easier to afford living closer to downtown

But, then if I get deployed when I have a roommate, I have to keep paying for my apartment, or just leave them hanging. URGGGG. What do I doooo??? I'm leaning more towards living by myself. Who knows. But, I met this cool chick who would be awesome to live with! I need some help deciding.