I don't mind you coming here and wasting all my time. - The Cars, Just What I Needed

My events of working Saturday, 29MAR08:

0445: alarm goes off....Patton licks the mini blinds. I spray him with the water bottle, hit the snooze button, and try and roll over. patton continues to lick the mini blinds. I throw a pillow at him.
0450: Eventually just get up because I realize I won't be able to get much more sleep.
0500: shower and cup of coffee
0530: eat breakfast in front of tv
0545: leave for work
0610: get up on my floor and get my uniform ready in the locker room
06:20: go meet up with the night charge and think about assignments (but, I have a nurse who's on charge nurse orientation...so i'll let her do the assignments)
0630: help the orientee hear report from the night charge, mark off the code cart, do narc checks, and make sure all the nurses and corpsman are getting together and preparing for report
0700-0900: watch the orientee put in a few orders, check on a couple patients, check on staff, sit around.....surf ebay......contemplate calling tanya on 5 east and prank calling her....
1000: go over to 5 west and see brit who's also working
1015: go over to 5 east and see tanya who's also working
1100: sit on the counter and swing my legs and then look over and catch eye's with ADM Mike Mullen! (he's the former CNO and now the Chairman of the JCS--the joint chiefs of staff!) I jump off the counter and look at everyone at the nurses station to get up! I was NOT NOT NOT told about this visit! The nurses station looked messy, I had been SITTING on the counter in my uniform (thank God I wasn't stuffing my face like I normally am...), and didn't really call attention on deck. He's pretty laid back, so he was very pleasant, but I was the most senior person at work that morning and I felt like such a dope! Normally, they tell you about important visits like that and usually they don't come on a Saturday! When he turned, I swatted HN Walling (she used to work on our floor and was now escorting the Admiral) and said "WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME HE WAS COMING???" Apparently, she had told one of our corpsman and they didn't realize the importance....sheesh. So, now I have two of his coins! :) Anyway, this mess all calms down and I go back to sitting around....
1300: go with tanya down to the ICU to see LTJG Chromiak! (i haven't seen her since she got back from Kuwait)
1430: talk on the phone with my mom and tape up my fingers with medical tape
1500: go see tanya on 5 east again and help her with training records. she demands I take the tape off my fingers since the tips are indeed purple...
1600: i don't remember what i was doing here. probably sending tons of text messages
1700: educate the corpsmen about oxygen devices and quiz them on situations
1730: educate the nurses on the zoll defibrillator and quiz them on situations
1800: teach the orientee on how to use standard orders on the computer
1810: go get water and beat my head on the machine.....time is passing too slowly. i want something to do.....
1830: bitch about having to be at work
1835: talk about how I can't wait for ens brown to get there....
1840: ens brown gets there and says I can go! :)

Then, I ran home and got ready and headed to Georgetown for the night with friends. Good times. We were only down to a single digit census, so I had nothing to do. I probably could have left the orientee, but there was a situation she was afraid I might need to be there for (I would have been scared too if I were on orientation) so she felt better if I stayed, but she knew how to do a lot of the charge nurse duties.

Yesterday, I got to go see the cherry blossoms and paddleboat around the tidal basin after church! See the pics on facebook.

Today, I got special lib. Thank God. I haven't had it since last summer and I have been SOO tired, so I came home and slept some more. This afternoon I saw Stop-Loss. That would be a whole other entry. There's no black and white to war. That's all I will say about it now.

Now, thinking about heading to Kuwait this summer and long term plans for my navy career. It's a fine navy day!

Everyword is nonsense, but I understand it all. - Counting Crows, Anna Begins

I could watch this commercial over and over and still laugh....

Everyone needs a good laugh :)

Spend the day being lazy, just being nature's friend. - Alabama, Mountain Music

I can't get off my butt. Someone needs to come get me off the couch. I at least managed to go work out and then shower. Now. I'm stuck. I'm just watching the CMT country music awards rerun. Country music always gets me in the mood for summer.

I really have nothing to talk about. Nothing do to. I'm taking today to sit. I was up at work Mon-Wed and then I work Fri-Sun. This is the only day I get to do this.

Soooo...
"I sing songs about Texas. Sing them often as if they were some old lover..."
CMT keeps taunting me by showing commercials for Texas. It makes me sigh and think about being back in the good ole republic of tejas. Yes, we're a strange state. Our state stone is the petrified palmwood. Did you get that? Our state STONE is actually petrified wood. Hmm. In Lubbock, more than 3 unrelated people couldn't live together. It was considered a whore house. It was also a dry county. I did have fun driving out to the strip though. Here's a commercial about a funny law in Texas:



Here's another good video:



Sigh. Can't wait to get stationed in Corpus. That would be such a beautiful station. I miss the Texas sunsets...and I'd have the beach. And a dog! haha. Ahhh. And then, when the day comes and I retire, I'll buy some land and live out in the country. I'm kinda mad that I didn't take advantage of all the Texas country singers that would come to Lubbock when I was there. I wish I could go back and listen to them all.

Nothing is really happening right now. I'm working a lot, volunteering, hanging out with friends or my small group, trying to get into dc, and starting on deployment paperwork. After some work with Senior Chief down in contingency and my department head, I have found out I am finally on the list for Kuwait this summer. It'll be a great experience if I do indeed deploy. We'll see. I'm preparing, but I don't want to get too excited yet.

Is there a tumor in your humor? - Robbie Williams, Supreme

Okay, fun entry today! I need it after a very stressful weekend at work.

Shortisms:
-Damn whoever thought up daylight savings time!! We had to work Sat/Sun and got one less hour in our already short night of sleep. Boo.
-One thing I can talk to my corspmen about is cars. We love talking about fun project cars, etc. I showed them some pics from the rx-7 I helped with in college. Then, we played on autotrader to look up possible projects. It's great to dream. Some day I want to do that again. It was a blast. Maybe I could get ahold of a skyline in Japan (if I ever get to go).
-We finally have a local bar to go to. It's about 1 min from my apt. We know the bartender pretty well already. He was a marine and then a navy seal. He's pretty cool. Cheaper drinks than DC! I can go in sweats after work and not feel like a loser. This is pleasing.
-I love the girls in my small group at church. I just wish I could get together with them more often. Time goes too fast.
-Liberty ski closes on the 16! BOOOOOO.....my snowboarding season is coming to a close and I'm very sad. I haven't had a lot of time in the last week or so to go and I have a free lift ticket. I'm gonna try and go tomorrow.
-Girls night tonight out in Dupont Circle!! "Only nurses bar hop on a Monday night"~Brit. We really NEVER go out much anymore. Now that I'm getting to know the newer nurses on my floor better, we try and get out more often. I def don't drink as much as I used to. That's a good thing. I was a little nuts when I first moved here. I think it was all the freedom.
-I want to go country dancing. I'm thinking soon we need to plan a trip to Cancun Cantina! Before that, I'll settle for two stepping with Tanya in my living room.
-Cookies and beer are taking a toll on my belly. :) I just polished off the homemade cookies I had in my cookie jar. Now, maybe I'll be better since I don't have them sitting there. Gotta get back to downing all my water like I used to.
-I love our interns at the hospital. I just have to say that. They're so great. I just love navy doc's in general. So much better than the ones I encountered in nursing school.
-Any food you put out at work will be gone in about 30 min.
-I love the metro ride to and from work. It's only two stops, but it's peaceful when I have my ipod on and a nice, calm walk to the station.
-This weekend: received 2 wedding invitations. 1 save the date magnet. Found out one friend got engaged and another is shopping for a ring. It's beginning to feel that I actually am going to be the last single person from my friends back home. Thankfully, a lot of my navy friends are. We tear it up! No settling down for navy nurses!
-I love my pleasantly confused old patients! One of them keeps calling on his call bell and then complaining to the male nurses and corpsmen that answer it that he's wanting some pretty women to come help him. haha. So, I went in (since he's a falls risk) and walked him from the bathroom to his bed. He was like "OH. HI." and I told him I wanted him to escort me back to his side of the room, so he put his arm out and did just that. When we got back by his bed, he pointed at me and said to his family "Look what I found when I came out of the bathroom!!!" and then proceeded to introduce me 3 different times during the 5 minutes it took for me to rehook him up to his IV. He and his roommate are sooooo hilarious. They're just these old Navy guys that swap war stories and talk about "the good old days on the ship" and crack jokes. I almost want to make sure whichever nursing home one of them goes to, that they will take the other one. It's like puppies. You can't separate them!
-We almost had a "britney" showdown on Friday with a psych patient. I was kinda bummed when I didn't get to see the psych techs do a take down on her and she agreed to go in the ambulance peacefully. As I said...it was an interesting weekend at work. When is it not, though?
-We get a new round of interns on our floor starting today. This could be interesting.
-One good thing about working at a hospital if you're hungover. IV's. One of my corpsmen didn't think he was working Sunday, and had a fun night Sat night...but they changed the schedule and he didn't know, so he came in on about 1 hour of sleep. Poor guy.
-The mcdonalds on base opens at 0530 :)

That's my short, but sweet update for now. Must go enjoy the day off.

Every simple act of mercy, every step to kingdom come, all the hope in every heart, will speak what love has done. - The Judds, Testify To Love

My whole world and all my previous values and thoughts are being twisted. I don't know what to do with all of this. I'm being moved beyond anything I could ever imagine and I'm seeing the world and God in a totally different way. I can't explain it and in reality I didn't ask for it. I asked for help finding a mate....and this whole pandora's box opened in which my faith is being tried and my mind is a whirl.

In the still, small voice He has, He's telling me that this lonely, painful time is necessary. I was on the verge of jumping into a marriage. It was broken. I became broken. It's scary looking back and seeing how close I was to doing something that may not have been God's plan for me. For us. I see so many friends getting married (I think there's only about 2 people from my nursing school class that is are not married or engaged). I want that love badly. I want to be in their shoes, but God's telling me to slow down and really look at myself and my life. Would I rather jump into something I feel is right at the time and I feel all the goosebumps and lovey-dovey feelings, or do I want to wait (forever how long this may be!) for the man that God has specially chosen for me and in the time being, be formed into a wonderful bride?

I will have to chose the second. It is painful and hard to be single, (especially when you know you're far from the thoughts of your previous loves) but it will all be worth it when I finally get to my wedding day and I know that I am a strong woman of God and I'm marrying a strong man of God who will not give me empty promises or tell me "I'm too much to handle".

I'm reading this amazing book, Captivating. (Thank you Shelley for mentioning it!) It talks about how relationships often get to a point, where the man feels he is going too deep into a woman's world and she requires too much and they stop and say "I'm not going there. This is all you will get from me. You're too much work."

When the book got to this, I stopped. For years, I have often thought that there was something wrong of me. This was said by all of my past loves. I knew at the time these things were said, that I was really reaching out. I felt a form of them leaving, and I got scared. Women fear abandonment more than anything and when they start to feel it, they pull on tighter and cling too much. My problem was that I loved so much that I was scared to death to let go, because they were all I had. Now, I need to learn to put all my love into Christ, and then I won't lean so much on men to emotionally fill my void in my heart.

Another chapter started mentioning Hosea (chapter 2):

6 Therefore I will block her path with thornbushes;
I will wall her in so that she cannot find her way.

7 She will chase after her lovers but not catch them;
she will look for them but not find them.
Then she will say,
'I will go back to my husband as at first,
for then I was better off than now.'

8 She has not acknowledged that I was the one
who gave her the grain, the new wine and oil,
who lavished on her the silver and gold—
which they used for Baal.

God sees that this woman clings to a man because she believes he gives her happiness and prospers her, but really, it's God that is doing all of that. He punishes her by taking it away so that she will see God.

14 "Therefore I am now going to allure her;
I will lead her into the desert
and speak tenderly to her.

15 There I will give her back her vineyards,
and will make the Valley of Achor ^[a] a door of hope.
There she will sing ^[b] as in the days of her youth,
as in the day she came up out of Egypt.

16 "In that day," declares the LORD,
"you will call me 'my husband';
you will no longer call me 'my master.

But, when God wins her back, their relationship is changed. It's better than it was before. She sees him as a love and not just "The king of kings".

It couldn't be more black and white. This year has been troubling. For me, but also a close friend. It's amazing that we're experiencing this together. I've often said that we should be single at the same time! Now, we're not planning to go guy watching at clubs, but grow in our spiritual relationships. This is a great time, and although my heart aches (most days and nights), I know it is all going to be better in the end.




You're all thinking.....very churchy message. Yes, it is. How strange. Seriously. I don't know what's happening to me. I've never been one to run around and talk about all this stuff so openly. But, these things that are being shown to me just make me stop in amazement. It's like my mind and heart are being read and the answers given to me, just like that! It's a daily struggle, because there are so many things from before that I still want to do and still do. I haven't cut out beer or going out with friends or anything crazy. I still listen to "secular" music. I will cut my hair again. haha. It's not like I'm going off into the amish country, but I am letting my heart be healed.

A moment's only temporary. Let too many go, and you will be history too. - The Juliana Theory, Something Isn't Right Here

I'm always for seizing the moment. I do it almost too much. I learned a rough lesson when I was going through the breakup with my high school boyfriend. Numerous times I would throw myself at him. Profess my love for him. (ok, don't laugh at this next one....well, okay, laugh) Write pathetic 17 year old angst poetry for him. Only in every circumstance to end up curled up in the fetal position on my living room floor at 3am with my mom next to me crying out "whyyyyyyyyy?".

You'd think that after all my experience with life and other relationships, that I would learn my lesson. Ha. It was weighing on my mind and I couldn't stop thinking about it so I shared my feelings. I wasn't expecting a response and honestly, no response is better than a horrible one, I think. But, still. I'm mad at myself for stooping to that level. I want someone who wants me just as bad as I want them. I want the guy who can't sleep until he comes to find me and is next to me. If he left me, there was a reason. Why can't I just get it through my thick skull. He's obviously moved on. I want to as well.

I gave up on the search for a guy because DC just really ain't the place for relationships. The people here are just not what I'm looking for like that. I started praying a lot that God would use this time to shape me and grow me the way He would like and that I would be ready for whenever he decides to send me my Prince Charming.

That consoled me for about a week and a half. It's hard. I know to trust God that everything will work out, but my fear is that I've lost trust in man. So, say, God sets both me and my future husband up perfectly and we fall in love, yada yada....who's to say that in 10 years, my husband just won't get sick of me and want to move on. God can only do so much, but we all have free will. I trust my own feelings. I don't say "I love you" unless I really mean it. I mean, I would take a bullet for you, want to spend forever with you no matter how horrible your little quirks are, and work through the hard time "I love you". But, my experience is that the guys that have said that did not really mean it. I really thought the last one did, but nope. So, how do you know for sure that they mean it? Do I actually have to stage a robbery and see if the guy will jump and catch the bullet for me? Hm...that's an idea.

Anyway, my roommate and I have been talking about mistakes we've made with guys where we just look like the ridiculous girl while the guy can sit back with the power (we gave him) and laugh. We both have talked about how we should have learned from the past and yet we make the same mistakes.

I guess I should look at it as another growing lesson. This time, thankfully, I did not end up on the fetal position crying "why" in the middle of the night. Instead, I sat on the couch with my roommate and drank some wine and talking about what I wouldn't do next time. Right. I'm sure I'll do it again and again. In the end, that makes me, me. I'm blunt honest. I put my feelings out there. I'm not afraid to be stupid in love. One day I will find the guy that matches that.



On a side note...it's 9 degrees (wind chill) outside and I'm filling out deployment paperwork for Kuwait. I'm the primary person on the list for my floor for that deployment this summer. It's supposed to leave in July, I believe, so I'd get 2 weeks leave in June to go home and get everything in order. I'm already thinking about a weekend camping trip to go float the river. Dreaming of the Texas summer, flip flops, cut offs, beer, and an inner tube. :) Of course, when I'm doing that, I'll probably be dreaming of snow and moutains, beer, and a snowboard. haha.

Grass is always greener.

Don't lose your grip on the dreams of the past, you must fight just to keep them alive. - Survivor, Eye Of The Tiger

As I rest my head against the wall of the plane and gaze out on the horizon, I find myself reflecting back on the past few days of leave. I do this every flight back to DC and my life in the navy. Usually, I have a point in my last day in Texas that I have to fight back the tears and this time even let a few get past me while sitting in Red Robin with my parents. I'm not really crying for having to leave or that I don't like my life or job back here in DC. Quite the contrary. I have this strange feeling that I believe only people in the military can understand. I live two lives.

Life back home. I dream of this life. Buying a house. Getting married. Having family and friends close by. This is a life where I can settle. But, I don't want to settle. I feel comfortable here.

The Navy life. Surprising. I don't know where I'll be or who I will meet. I have met various people. I can see differences and similarities. People in the military seem to get along with other people better. We may not agree with some people, but so far I haven't had the drama, and we all understand we have our differences. I feel free here.

It's especially nice to fly into the city and see all the monuments and symbols of independence when we are taxiing in. Even if I decide to get out after my 4 years, this has been the best decision for me. There is no other experience like having to move off, away from home and learn to live on your own. There are def worse places the Navy could have sent me. Well, actually, I don't know about that. The navy bases all happen to be at really fun places. That's one of the reasons why I chose this branch.

Anywho, it's like I live 2 lives. I visit the first one every few months or so. It's nice for a couple days. I catch up with old friends. Find out about a LOT of stuff that I missed while I was gone. Get my mom's cooking. Drive around Arlington late at night and sit in familiar parking lots. Visit Rusty's pool hall (where Jeff is now a regular at) and play on the same tables I played on when I was 18. Laid around my game room and had some good late night talks. And relive my life back at the high school age.

Then, I come back and have to face reality. A job. The military. The uniform. The apartment. The bills.

And yet....along with more responsibility, comes more fun! With no school, my free time is mine. No homework. No answering to parents. No drama. No age limits. No being broke. I have time to chill with the roommate and drink wine. I'm going snowboarding again tomorrow. 5th time this season. :) Got to go to a movie with Tanya. Got to ride the metro and enjoy my ipod.

Damn, it feels good. Just like this blog has seemed very back and forth, that's how I feel when I go on leave. It's this cycle. It's interesting, and I'm just starting to get used to the drill.

Okay, I have to mention the wedding real fast. Courtney and Adam had a wonderful ceremony! I had a great time with Courtney, Shelley, and Erin setting it all up and putting it together. I loved some of the special touches that they did to the wedding. There was dancing! That's the important part, right? haha.

Good times were had by all...

I'm the definition of half man, half drugs. - Puff Daddy, Bad Boy For Life

"Ledger 'died as the result of acute intoxication by the combined effects of oxycodone, hydrocodone, diazepam, temazepam, alprazolam, and doxylamine.' "
~Sad lessons from Heath Ledger's Death By Miriam Falco
Managing Editor, Medical News

This whole article was talking about how Heath Ledger did not have any of these medications in excess. That's scary! It was just the mere combination of these drugs that did it....and then I think about it. I can think of at least 3 people on my floor at the hospital that take unGODLY amounts of pain killers, sleeping aids, anti-anxiety medications for random chronic pain. It's scary. So many of these people end up being psych evaluated because doctors can't figure out what exactly is causing the pain, but they keep crying and carrying on no matter how many MAJOR painkillers we give them. We're talking about fentanyl patches, dilaudid pca's, with oxycodone and muscle relaxers, valium, etc....and people will still be saying their pain is horrible. It's unbelievable what people will take now for "chronic back pain". You know, my grandfather worked on a farm his whole life and I'm sure had "chronic back pain" and probably just took some motrin for it or a hot shower. I can't believe some of these people would want to live their life totally drugged out and bedridden because they keep taking pain meds. They don't even want to hear the pain management doctors talk about non-narcotic options for pain, like muscle relaxers or anti-depressant meds (which sometimes can be used for pain).

Most of the time, these are also the same patients that are too large to even move on their own and will call you in their room about every hour to 1. move a phone. 2. pull their light cord. 3. help move their leg because it's too big to move on their own. (these three things were all asked of me by one pt who kept ringing his bell....and everyone else was running around, so me, as the charge nurse, had to get up from what I was doing and go do this for him. And he's only in his 50's!) Sometimes the most depressing things coming from hospitals is not the sad stories of unexpected tragedies and accidents, but just humans in general not caring about the bodies God created for them. Our hospitals are just full of patients that do not take care of themselves and cannot do anything on their own. Now, I understand for all our little old ladies who are weak and will fall a lot. In fact, those are the ones who SHOULD be calling for help, but guess what?? They keep wanting to run around and keep moving. Ha.

I seriously could go on and on about this topic....but I must make myself stop.

In other news. I went snowboarding with a few nursing friends yesterday. Whitetail resort had free lift tickets for military, so the whole day on the mountain was free for us that own our board. :) It was so awesome. I also met a new friend who works in the NICU. She's been riding since she was 15, so we all got mini lessons from her. I went and tried to carve down one of the intermediate trails. TRIED. I did o...k...the first time. I had never had such a rush in my life. I was going fast and bouncing off little mounds of snow. I can't wait to get better and better. That's what's awesome about snowboarding. It's so hard, but each time you see yourself improve. It's a great feeling. Well, later in the day, I went again and did horrible. I kept falling and when I got to the end, I wanted to do it again because I was so mad. I did even worse. Bah. She said it looked like I was just tired, because I wasn't quite as good with my footwork. I was tired, but still. I got some air all right. Several times, I just went airborn and face planted into some icy snow and slid for about 15 feet. Snow flew up everywhere and I just laid there with a headache thinking about the helmet I should probably invest in. Ah. I'm quite sore, but excited to get back to the slopes again soon. Only one more trip on my advantage card and I get a free lift ticket. Shoot yeah! And, now we have another friend to ride with! We had joked about starting a club at the hospital. I'm so glad I got into riding. I can't wait someday to try out surfing too. Hopefully, it will seem like a piece of cake compared to this.

I've talked enough. I'm going to go back to watching the rockville pike drama unfold 16 stories below me. Something is going on at the white flint mall a block from me. I can see emergency vehicles, helicopters overhead, etc....maybe I should grab my binoculars.

God, it's so painful when something that's so close is still so far out of reach. - Tom Petty, American Girl

To understand why I'm so down about the Patriots losing last night, you have to look deep inside to my Red Raider blood.

I sat there on the edge of the couch watching the Patriots' QB get sacked and sacked....and I knew, if Tom could just get it to my fellow Texas Tech Alumn, Wes Welker, that all justice would be restored. I was right. After a slump in the game, Tom was able to get the ball to my man, Wes, and get some momentum back in the game and end up with a touchdown. If only it had been enough. It always comes down to that field goal you didn't go for. Just like at Texas Tech when I'd watch them play and Leach would tell them to go for it. They were always crazy like that. Then, if we lost by a few points, it was easy to say "if only we had gone for the field goal". The same happened last night. Maybe it's a Tech curse. haha. Well. To remember better days, I wanted to play a TTU video of Welker. I was at this game.

Welker was one who couldn't be caught

Boston Globe

GLENDALE, Ariz. - There was a red welt on his forehead and knuckles on his left hand were bleeding. But for the real pain, you had to peer deep inside Wes Welker, and last night, in the heartbreaking moments following Super Bowl XLII, that was an impossible task.

"I don't know if it's set in yet," said the Patriots wide receiver, a blank stare on his face in the aftermath of New York's stunning 17-14 win. He paused, searched for words, but could only produce something his coach would have said.

"It is what it is. There's nothing you can do."

For 18 games, the Patriots had been able to do plenty, their vaunted offensive explosiveness at the heart of what was expected to be the most historic season in NFL history. But inside the dome in the desert, the Patriots could do very little on offense and Welker was asked why.

"You have to give it up to New York," he said. "They out-executed us."

No one had out-caught Welker. That was one of the few bright spots in a dismal night for New England, because Welker's 11 catches tied him with Dan Ross, Jerry Rice, and former Patriot Deion Branch for the most in a Super Bowl. But the mere mention of that record-tying effort was of little solace to the fourth-year player.

"No, I didn't," is all Welker said when asked if knew he had seized a piece of a Super Bowl record. He didn't care. He wasn't in the mood to search for answers, either.

"We should have moved the ball a lot more effectively than we did. We didn't do that all game and we should have."

On a night when quarterback Tom Brady was under siege, he needed to throw a security blanket over his team, and in Welker he found an outlet. Having been held to just two catches in the first half, Welker came alive in the second half and Brady was happy to go to him time and time again.

Welker had a 15-yard reception on the first play of the second half, snared a 7-yarder minutes later, and while that drive stalled, it seemingly established that he was - as he has been all season - the go-to guy for Brady. By now, it was apparent that New England wasn't going to be able to slow the Giants' pass rush, which meant a heralded aspect of the team's offense was gone.

"They've got some good pass rushers, some guys that break on the ball well, and they do some good things out there," said Welker. "It makes it tough to get those throws downfield. They did a great job with their pass rush."


I'm a new england fan, but mostly because of this little guy. I never was really into pro football, but now my love for college football and my alma mater has moved over to the big boy league. It takes me back to those cool west Texas nights and bright lights. I remember the scoreboard reading "wes welker can't be stopped" following one of our big wins. I remember waiting outside the gates for HOURS on big game days hoping to run in and get good seats. I remember jingling keys when we were trying to tell the other team to start packing up and heading out because their game was ovaaaa. I felt the heartbreak when we lost a game we shouldn't have, and I felt the pride and complete excitement when we made the winning play. I feel like my college years of watching great players like Wes will now keep going as I'm watching pro. I get the same giddy feelings like I'm right back in the red t-shirt holding my guns up. (I actually caught myself do a guns up when welker caught the ball and made a big play last night).

Sure, new england lost last night. But, I was watching for my fellow Red Raider, and he had an amazing game. It's too bad he couldn't really celebrate it, but it was all I really asked for. I was proud and I hope once the heartbreak wears off, he can be too.

Stop rolling down hill like a snow ball headed for hell. - Merle Haggard, Are The Good Times Really Over For Good

Two things I love watching....snowboarders and subarus! I can't wait to try and get to Japan and see them both a lot! I found out that some places in Japan, they have snow until June!! I never imagined I could ever go snowboarding on my birthday in may. It was always a swim party. haha. Plus, I could go to Nagano. Apparently, they have some amazing places to go around there.

I'm starting to get a lot of friends at the hospital now. A bunch of new nurses came in a few months ago, and they rock! It just kinda sucks, because I know i'll probably be leaving late this year. Right now, I'm penciled in as the primary for the Kuwait deployment in August, but then, who knows. It changes every day. If I don't go somewhere, then I'll be looking for hotfills in Japan for fall or winter of this year. I don't want to leave DC. I finally have a great place. I have a lot of great friends. I know the city somewhat. I really like it. But, I also know...the sooner I get overseas, then the sooner I can get to grad school either San Diego or Seattle. Then, I'd probably try and come back and get stationed in Corpus Christi.

It's funny, because on one hand I want to hurry up and experience everything really fast. I want to go here, then here, then do this type of nursing, then that! But, on the other hand...I feel like things are so amazing and I've been so blessed that I love to stop and soak up every second because I know my life is going to fly by faster than I can even blink! I hear it a lot from my older patients....they just can't believe how fast live goes. But, most of them have amazing stories, and I hope some day I can be that little old lady who can show a baby ensign nurse to stop and enjoy every blessing you are given.

There's one part of me that I don't think has quite healed yet...but I've gotten used to having that slight aching in the background all the time. I try to just push it away again and look around at what all I have. Some day, maybe the aching won't even come back at all.

Now that that don't kill me, can only make me stronger ~Stronger by Kanye West

oh man. Anyone remember the video I posted from my very first day snowboarding last January??? It was on my old blog and old computer, so I can't find it, but I'll find it soon. Anywho...I couldn't stay standing at ALL in the short clip. here's one this year. i'm not doing anything crazy at this point, but at least I'm not falling and I'm learning how to turn and switch sides easily. yay! Being able to go during the week is a blessing. It's less crowded and you get a lot more practice time in. I'm having a blast getting to know a few of my coworkers better too! My cheeks hurt bad....from laughing all day.

Things have been going so well lately. Lots of time off. New apartment. Snowboarding. This was #3 for this season so far. New nurses more my age and single hanging around the hospital...including a bunch of new male nurses. Also, I think I found a church I'm going to be able to get really involved in. Been volunteering at the cystic fibrosis foundation.

Life is good. God is good. I'm so blessed. I thank Him every day. This is just the best time of my life. Everyone says college is. In some ways yes...but, I really hated being broke! And, I hated homework and papers. BLEH. I say THIS is the best time of my life. I'm really getting a lot of out of it.

Hey dude, don't lean on me man. cause I'm losing my direction. ~Hey Dude

Okay, after my previous post, I saw another commercial I had to post....and then....I found out there was a football one toooo. I LOVE THEM!

In the snow of far-off northern lands And in sunny tropic scenes,You will find us always on the job - Marine Corps Hymn

This commercial gave me chills. I love it.

Other news: Currently watching the Patriots!!! Cheering on #83 our own Texas Tech Alumn, Wes Welker! In 2004, Wes became the first player in NFL history to return a punt, return a kick, kick a field goal, kick an extra point and kick off in the same game. He accomplished the feat against the Patriots. (Before he played for them)

More news: Went snowboarding yesterday with tanya and Phil. I'm sooo excited! I'm finally passionate about it. I'm getting to the point where I'm making it down trails without falling. I'm getting so psyched! I'm going again Thursday with some girls from work.

More news: I went to church today. First time really since before college. Besides when I'm home with my parents. It seems like a nice place, but I'll have to go to their earlier, more contemporary service. There was a couple I started talking to behind me and they got my phone number and want to invite me to dinner sometime.

Okay, gotta get back to watching the game!

Uno, dos, tres... catorce ~Vertigo by U2

Lights go down it’s dark
The jungle is your head - can’t rule your heart
A feeling is so much stronger than
A thought
Your eyes are wide
And though your soul it can’t be bought
Your mind can wonder

Hello, hello... (Hola)
I'm at a place called Vertigo (dónde estás?)
It’s everything I wish I didn’t know
Except you give me something...
I can feel, feel

The night is full of holes
As bullets rip the sky of ink with gold
They twinkle as the boys play rock and roll
They know that they can’t dance - at least they know

I can’t stand the beats
I’m asking for the cheque
The girl with crimson nails
Has Jesus 'round her neck
Swinging to the music Whoooaaa
Swinging to the music Whoooaaa
Whoooaaa
Whoooaaa
Whoooaaa

Hello, hello... (Hola)
I'm at a place called Vertigo (dónde estás?)
It’s everything I wish I didn’t know
But you give me something...
I can feel, feel

Check mated...
Hours of fun...
Jumping in... yeah

All of this... all of this can be yours
All of this... all of this can be yours
All of this... all of this can be yours
Just give me what I want and no one gets hurt

Hello, hello... (Hola)
I'm at a place called Vertigo (dónde estás?)
Lights go down and all I know
That you give me something...
I can feel your love teaching me how
Your love is teaching me how to kneel, kneel
~Vertigo by U2

I swear. I think U2 must have written that song after experiencing a night like tonight. It has been wicked weird. It all starts with a congested nose. I've had one for about 3 weeks. It's been a pain because I can't breathe when I'm sleeping. Anywho, no sinus pain. No headache. No pressure. No sore throat. My nose isn't really even runny. Whatever....so, tonight at work I noticed I wasn't walking straight down the hall. I kept falling toward the right. I would get dizzy a bit and just felt off balance. Well, I would have had the night float doc look at my ear and tell me what he thought, but we don't have otoscopes on our floor. Silly, I know...but you have to go to the ER. SOOO, off I went to make sure I didn't have an ear infection. This was around 9:30 pm. They check me out and draw some labs and start a bolus of an iv. When they took my ekg and orthostatics, I got really dizzy when I laid down. Well, I had positive orthostatics and they found a ton of protein in my urine. That I will have to get checked out later. They decided to do another bolus and then send more urine tests. Done and done and then they concluded that I had an inner ear infection, but it was viral, so they can't do anything to fix it. They did give me valium for the vertigo I was experiencing. hehe. With the valium I couldn't go back to work, but I couldn't drive either.

I got ahold of Brit and she came to pick me up. Thank God for other friends on night shift. She came to get me from work...and at this point the valium was working juusssstt fineeeee. I was in heaven. Brit also brought along jessica's friend who's visiting in town and wasn't tired. We started to go to mcdonald's because I was getting the munchies.

On the way, we saw all these firetrucks. I thought the lights were fun to watch. Brit. Not so much. So, we get to mcdonalds and Jessica calls. "Uh, hey, our building's on fire". Those firetrucks were going to Brit and Jessica's apartment! We go back and pick Jess up and see that indeed there are firetrucks everywhere. We didn't see smoke, but it kinda did smell like something was on fire. So, the four of us giggly girls head to this diner down the road that is 24 hrs. We had a blast drinking milkshakes, giggling, stating some memorable quotes, and kicking back like it was college again. Us, in our sweats and such just hanging out at 2 in the morning at the local diner. I miss that kinda stuff. I'm so thankful for these days. It keeps me feeling young and breaks up the day to day work/sleep cycle.

They also sent me home with a few valium and gave me tomorrow night off too, so I don't have work until Monday! weeee.

I really hope I'm not all dizzy though all weekend. I'll be freaking pissed! I need to go snowboarding Saturday and this will NOT get in my way. I'll be dizzy all the way down the mountain if I have to!

Anywho, sorry it was so long. It was an odd night and I had to talk about it.

Flesh is weak, but love is strong. - Alan Jackson, Devil And Me

So, of course, after the post about how in love I am with Eric Bana, I decided to write about how I truly feel about love these days.

I got to a point where I was frustrated. I had, what I thought, was the man of my life. The one who would never leave and we would have this wonderful life together. That dream was destroyed, and my heart along with it. I knew through the whole thing though that when I made it through the really hard time, I would come out a much stronger person. I did. The year 2007 pushed me to doing many things I never thought I could do. Well, then I went through a period of frustration because I wondered why it was so hard to meet someone special. It's SO very different when you're not in college and just working all the time and have a limited social life. The men I met just weren't my type, weren't looking for the same things out of life, didn't want to do the whole Navy life, or just weren't attracted back to me. A couple weeks ago, I sat on my bed and talked with God.

"Why is this so hard? I'm smart, funny, cute, I have a good job, etc....How come I can't meet my love of my life? Why is it so hard for me to meet someone I'm attracted to and who is attracted to me??"

And then He answered.

"There are too many 'me's' in those questions. It's not your job...it's mine. I have it all under control and you don't need Dr. Phil and match.com to find your perfect match because I already know him. I created him for you. I am shaping his heart and your heart so that when you meet, you will be ready for him. But, you do need to realize that I want to create your romantic love story."

It was right. Every time I went in search of my love, it ended with a crushed spirit and shattered heart. I instantly started looking online for research material to help me in my new quest to let go of my love life and give it over to God. I found a book called "When God Writes Your Love Story". It's been a perfect read. We are created in His image. If we want the sappy love chick flicks....so does God....and better yet....he wants it for us! Since that lonely night of me praying and handing over the key to my heart, I have found so much peace. It's all taken care of. In the mean time, I will work on my own life and heart and enjoy my single life. I'm now getting to go snowboarding and go do things outdoors more. I'm volunteering once a week at the cystic fibrosis foundation. I'm doing more soul searching. It's been great.

It has also helped me finally try and let go of things that happened last year. The relationship ended without a lot of things said, and things said that should not have been said. Questions ran through my head every second of every day until I told God that I was leaving it all at His feet. The pain still will start to come back and all the confusion along with why it all happened will pop into my head, but I instantly try and breathe and let it pass. The future love life that God is preparing me will not leave me feeling this way. I am excited and anxious about that day.

Okay, I know that seemed like a very "churchy" post. I don't normally talk very openly and freely about my spiritual relations...but this was something for some reason I felt like I should share. I'm really not changing anything about myself, but more less, letting go of the stress and burden of searching for my love.

God knows that you're a sexy thang. - Dru Hill, These Are The Times

Eric Bana. Oh man. I started having a thing for him when he was in Black Hawk Down. I saw this trailer when I saw Atonement last night. Late night movies by myself are actually really fun. I treat myself to some popcorn, only have to deal with a few people in the theater, get any seat I want, get to spread out across 3 of them...and then talk under my breath about how H-O-T Eric Bana is....mmmmmm. H'okay, I just kinda had to throw this video up so I could share with everyone his beauty. Plus, it looks like a good movie. And, for the guys, it has two beautiful women in it too. So, there, guys.

Atonement was a really well made movie also. There were some scenes of a few characters going through nursing school back in Europe in the early 1940's. Makes me see that my nursing school wasn't that bad. haha. It was so strict long ago. You had to have a perfectly clean uniform and yet be scrubbing the floors, bedpans, bed frames, cleaning wounds, etc. Sometimes I wish we had uniforms like the old ones. Mostly because of the little hat and cape. :)

In other news, I bought my plane ticket home for Courtney's wedding. There have been so many and I can't go to them all, but she found a way to get me there-put me in it! hehe. The bridesmaid dresses are pretty. Navy blue. I love navy blue dresses. I just have to figure out what to do with my hair.

Back here, I've been keeping very busy. I've been going into dc for dinner with friends, seeing movies, volunteering at the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation, working out, etc. After I came back from leave, I realized I was just working and sitting at home. I don't want to do that. All spare time I have I'm trying to do something to get out. Even if it's just going to starbucks to read and drink coffee. "Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while...you could miss it."

The pain will fade. I'll get back on my feet. ~Joss Stone, Bruised but not Broken

Oh man. So far this weekend has rocked. There is one central theme though...."not too fast". Friday night Brit and I headed into Chinatown to catch dinner at Matchbox. After an hour wait and about an hour and a half in the restaurant, we were stuffed with mini burgers (THE BEST) and were on our way to the movie. We saw Charlie Wilson's War. Such an amazing movie...but at the end you're like....sooooo all that money that they helped raise and all the weapons and training they gave to the Afghans and now they're turning it on us?? WTF? It's slightly angering. Well, very, but I won't get onto that. This is a happy blog. No negativity allowed right now. So, it was a good night in DC and I had amazing matchbox leftovers.

Today, I went snowboarding for the first time this season with Jessica and Lauren. I thought that since I had bought all this gear and snowboard and stuff that it would be magical and I would never fall. HA. Well, I did improve SO much today. I actually did make it down one slope without falling. I just fell forward and my hands fell, but I kept going and never really stopped. I also realized that I snowboard with my tongue in the side of my cheek our out of my mouth like I'm concentrating really hard. Well, I am, but one of these days I fear I will bite it off when I fall. It almost seemed like it was never going to happen though. We didn't really leave until around noonish and then stopped at a few places for breakfast, but they were busy. Ended up at Crackle Barrel. Good breakfast. Then, we got stuck behind a fireman funeral processional that was going very slow. It was so much fun today. Even more than last year. I didn't fall as much. Not quite as hard and became closer to some friends. Sometimes the best part is riding up on the lifts with friends and chatting. Or messing with the 12 year old boys in the seat in front of you. Or watching Jessica not get off the lift right and almost go back around. Sorry, Jess. It was hilarious. I just heard her scream and turned around and they had stopped the lift and she had to kinda hop off a bit of a ways. Here are a couple pictures from the trip. It was also nice to not have to worry about rental stuff. We just show up, do our thing, and leave. Easy.

Airplanes make losers of us all, give us distance much too easily. - Blue Oyster Cult, In Thee

These are just some highlights from my leave back in Texas. Playing with my parents dogs, going to some fun bars, playing pool, watching ttu's hockey team stomp the aggies, celebrating my mom's bday on Christmas.

It was a great time. This leave seemed more relaxed as far as seeing everyone and it didn't go by as fast as the one in May did. I really, really miss everyone back home. Every time I come home I start thinking that I'll get out when my time's up and go back to Texas. It's such a hard decision. I know though, that if I got out, that I would see everyone a lot at first, but then, it wouldn't be as often as I think. All my friends when we'd meet up would say they hadn't seen each other in weeks or months. Well, if I got out, I wouldn't want it to be like that. It just happens in life though. I have thought more about going to grad school in Texas through the DUINS program or being stationed in corpus christi. But, then I feel I'm missing out on the opportunity to live all over. We'll see. I still have time and a lot will happen during that time.

Thank you everyone who came to see me and made my trip a blast! I think I met up with more people this time than any other time. You can look at more pics on my facebook. I still have some to upload at some point. It was hard to leave and every time I'm on the way to DFW airport, I can't help but cry. But, once I'm back in DC, I feel at home.

I'll be seeing you guys soon and I want you to know that I'm thinking about you all the time!

There's a girl across the bar, I get the message she's sending. Mmm, she ain't looking too married, and me, well, I'm pretendin

Oh dear lord...this is the most hilarious video I have EVER seen. You have to watch it about 10 times...but by that point I was crying on the ground gasping for air.

My sediments exactly......

I sing songs about Texas, I sing them often as if she were some old lover. ~Pat Green

One more day of work!!! I just had to get on and brag...

I go home to Arlington on Monday. yeah!

That's all.........