I understand about indecision, but I don't care if I get behind. People living in competition, all I want is to have my peace of mind. - Boston, Peace

I feel a bit lost in my own world. I think the moment that started was actually in October 2006. I was sitting in a class for the nurse internship program at the National Naval Medical Center in Bethesda. One of our instructors, a LCDR at the time, was giving a lecture about the body's response when in combat. It was the most amazing lecture I had heard. Not just because it was fascinating information, but because I realized this is the point I had been working towards.

I had sat through 2 and a half years of nursing lectures, but none of them focused on combat. I'm not sure where it was instilled in me, but I just had this fascination with the military and nursing. In October 2006, in that classroom with 10 other people, I finally had made it. I was merging nursing and the military. It was finally coming together. It had taken 22 years for me to get exactly where I felt I belonged. That was the most amazing feeling in the world.

Then, I went home. I sat down on my futon and thought to myself. Now what? I made it where I wanted to go. Now, where do I belong? What's my next step? What am I working towards?

It'll be five years that I've been in the Navy and have been a nurse this coming August. In that time, I've had ups and downs. I've felt on top of the world when I was walking into the most amazing medical facility for the armed forces in the continental US. Then, I've had trouble feeling worth anything at a smaller facility where we handle cuts and scrapes and mostly help retired military spouses that don't seem concerned to keep themselves healthy.

I've deployed, but to Kuwait, which I normally just say "oh, it was just 6 months in Kuwait". Then, there was the time I was called up to leave for Haiti for the earthquake relief on 1 hrs notice. We just ended up in Cuba for 2 weeks. We did a few things important and I know, I know, it was mostly honorable that we stood up and left on an hour notice and everyone was proud we went to support the Naval hospital there.

There are still times I feel that I haven't lived that "adventure". I haven't been on the front lines or done amazing humanitarian missions.

I've voiced these thoughts with some of my close friends and they all assure me that I'm doing something special...but I just don't feel it.

Now. My life has entirely changed. I met someone I never in my life saw coming. I am the happiest I have ever been and oddly enough, my "adventure" I seek feels different. I was never going to be that girl. I still want to stay in the Navy, but how do I feel when I think about leaving for 9 months. Cameron and I, at this point, have been together 9 months and a week or so. I'd just now be returning from deployment! We met, dated, got married, moved in, joined lives, etc all in that time. I can't imagine being that far away for that long without him. I know that's how all the other military members and their spouses do it and I will go if they need me to. I'm not trying to get out of anything or avoid anything. It just seems strange to me that I feel so torn.

I also just feel stagnant. I don't know what kind of nursing I want to do. I don't know how long I want to stay in the Navy. Even if I got out, I don't know that I would want to do nursing. Shoot. I don't know.

I guess all these things changed in my life so fast that I'm just now settling down to think about what they all mean. Nothing to change right now. I know in our future, Cameron and I have some big adventures in store. I'm so excited to see where we go from here!

In the mean time, I'll just keep chugging along.

With his blessings from above, serve it generously with love. One man, one wife, one love, through life. - Dean Martin, Memories Are Made Of This

I'm playing catch up! I thought the stressful part was the wedding, but nope! It's all the stuff that comes after.

Changing name, including military and doing everything out of state.
Adding Cameron as a spouse into the military.
Cleaning and organizing the house.
Wrote and reviewed vendors.
Write thank you cards.
Get caught up with work...now I have a new huge collateral with work and I have to do a VTC next month!
My birth month is May and I need to do all my appts and check ups.
Catch up on things I've been neglecting...like, car maintenance and improvements.

We're slowly checking off things. I'm getting there slowly. I'm in between names. I can't change my military ID until DFAS comes through and changes everything and I see the change on my LES on May 15th. Sigh. So, on some things I'm Kline and some things I'm Kumpunen. I'll be so glad when it's all moved over. I have moved a lot of my online accounts and updated names and email addresses. I'm actually having a problem with my blogger account....but we'll see. Right now, I'm just signed up for an extra author.

First off, the wedding was fantastic! It was the perfect size (I was afraid it would be too small, but now I can't imagine if it had been larger) and it was so relaxed! The day was nice and calm. I got to spend tons of time just relaxing with the bridesmaids. :) The weather was perfect. I felt gorgeous and the dress. Sigh...my dress. I'm still in love with it. I did pretty good with not busting out crying. The part that was the hardest was walking up the isle. I had already done a "first look" with Cameron before the wedding, but when I got up to the front of the isle, I nearly lost it. I couldn't even smile with my teeth at that point because my lips were quivering.

It was a beautiful ceremony, beautiful venue, handsome husband and my friends and family present! The reception was hard! There were so many family members I needed to meet from Cameron's side. Many family members that came from Oregon, Washington, California. Then, my girls, who wanted me to dance. I wanted to dance too, but after a while of being out there, I missed Cameron. I wanted to have fun, but that was my wedding day. I wanted to be with Cam. You have to make sure you say hi and thank you to everyone and you want so badly to sit and talk with people all night, but you don't have time.

It was everything I wanted it to be! I wouldn't change a bit of it.

The honeymoon was amazing as well. We basically did a road trip across Oregon. We started in Vancouver, WA for the first night and I got to see a few places where Cameron worked or loved to eat at, etc. Then, we drove up to Mt. Hood for a few days of snowboarding. It was my first time ever in fresh powder. That was a bit hard to get used to at first....but I learned to LOVE it. It's so smooth. Cameron even got me to go over some jumps in the small park. It was so much fun. Then, we drove into Portland for a night and on to wine country and then the coast of Oregon. We stopped at a few small towns and air museums on the way. I learned that car rides and dark clouds are natural sedation for me. That, the time difference and exhaustion from the mountain made it very hard for me to stay awake in the car.

Once we got to the coast, we drove up to Astoria, OR. (One of my favorite stops! http://www.oldoregon.com/) We stayed at the Cannery Pier Hotel. (http://www.cannerypierhotel.com/) Then, on to Seattle. I think Cameron and I both saw that Seattle is a city we could really feel at home in. We loved walking all around, sightseeing, enjoying the waterfront, grabbing amazing sushi and heading out for drinks. I hope some day we can live there for a while. I really think we'd flourish there.

There is so much to talk about and so many wonderful and amazing side stories, but I just don't have time to cover it all!

I thought since I felt Cameron and I knew each other really well and that we lived together before the wedding, that not much would change after we got married. I've been pleasantly surprised! It feels the same and yet so much better! It does feel different. We are husband and wife forever. Neither one of us is leaving. We are more than 100% committed to our marriage. It's amazing that we are this good together. What are the odds in so many people that two people could match so well together?? I am on cloud 9. He's my husband. I never thought I could love someone like I do and feel the love that I do! Cameron is the most amazing husband and I truly never thought there was this amazing of a man out there, not already married. He makes me relax on the couch while he cooks (which, his cooking is delicious) and gives me foot rubs....and, he wants to take my picture.

This sounds funny, but I have always loved to snap pictures in junior high, high school, college. Well, I was always secretly sad that I never dated anyone who wanted to take a picture of me. Maybe that seems weird, but I used to think that was a symbol of how into me they were. Cameron loves photography, but he loves to take photos of me. I love to learn from him and shoot some of him, as well. It really makes me feel so special that he enjoys photographing me.

I'll go into me learning some more later. This post is getting long and I need to get to bed. I'm on nights and I miss my new hubby. We see each other in the morning when i come home and get in bed and he's running out the door. It's hard, but we'll have a good weekend together! We're driving up to Nashville to see Bob, pick up some stuff and work on the car. I'm looking forward to it. We enjoy road trips....even despite the gas prices!

Until next time....signing off...Mrs. Kline. :)

Young princess, when you get your wedding ring, your man is saying she’s my queen. - NAS, I Can

I had a sash, wand and veil! I felt like a queen. :)

My MOH, Shelley, bridesmaid/friend Courtney, and my bridesmaid/sister Christy all planned an amazing bachelorette party for me in Fort Worth on the 18th! I can't thank them enough for such an awesome night! I looked around at the dinner table and saw family, friends from junior high all the way up through college. That's a wonderful feeling. These girls have been special to me and I am so glad they could make it.

We started out at the Embassy Suites in Sundance Square. It was a perfect hotel with 2 queen beds and a living room area. We had some drinks and snacks and I got to open presents from the girls. That was so fun! There were some beautiful lingerie items and a few FUN gifts. :D I think lacy, soft and smooth fabrics make any woman feel so good.

We headed over to Razoo's (cajun food! one of my fav places!) for dinner and then on to The Library for after dinner drinks. Right next door was Pete's Piano Bar, so of course we headed there for entertainment!! Our group of girls with pink sashes attracted some attention and a group of guys offered to let us sit with them at the table. My friends, who are SO thoughtful, put a song and some mula up on the piano and got me to dance up on stage! It was fun and I hope to see some of those pics that Courtney took. hehe.

We went back to the hotel and I had lost my voice. I think I caught a cold that kicked in that evening and then yelling at Pete's didn't help. The next morning, we got to go to a nice continental breakfast and eat out on the terrace. My bridesmaids stayed overnight with me. I love these girls and no matter how far away we are from each other, we will always be friends. ;) I love sharing these big moments in each others lives! You wait Shelley! You're next!!!

Finally, on the day of my final night shift, I got the best sleep of my life! It had been a hellish end to the night shift before, so I was ready to get some good sleep. I came home, showered, put on comfy pj's, turned down the air real cold, took motrin for cramps and sleepy time, put the ear plugs in and mask on and curled up under my comforter.

I. Was. Out.

It was heavenly. I woke up to my alarm nearly 8 hrs later. I was so elated. Then, I realized I had to get up...but at least it was a full day of sleep!

Now, I'm at work. Counting down the hrs.

I want adventure. Come on, Navy. I miss the "It's not just a job...it's an adventure" aspect. This whole "Navy: A global force for good" just isn't as exciting.

The exciting thing is walking over to the new ICU. Holy cow, man. I'm going to take some before pics of the "ICU" I work in now....and then the new one, once it's finished. No one would believe they are the same hospital. Right now, it's like I like in horn/knapp at Tech and we only have 4 outlets on the wall to fit 2 phones, a mini fridge, microwave, chargers, computer plugs, printers, etc. Courtney and I's dorm room was a HUGE fire hazard. That's how it is here where I work. Each bed only has a couple outlets. This place is so old. The new ICU is beeeeautiful. It has 10 outlets on one wall of each room, alone! There are outlets on every wall! It's sad that this excites me. No more crawling on my hands and knees behind the bed to change out all the plugs. And. And! Each room (I like the sound of that...ROOM!) has a toilet and sink! WOW! No more bedside commodes. I really feel like it's going to change how we work and how we feel about ourselves.

Lab time. Gotta run! Then, it'll be updates on all my patients, residents coming in early, NOD reports and then change of shift and my home, my boo and my bed! Wooohooo!

Floating down a river named emotion, will I make it back to shore or drift into the unknown. - Incubus, Aqueous Transmission

Yesterday, Cameron and I went Kayaking. THAT was an experience. I had only slept about 4 hours after night shift, but I didn't want to waste the beautiful day. I think it would have been a little better if we had gotten two single ones, but then we wouldn't have been forced to work together like we did. :) The ride out to the sand bar was touchy....and I nearly tossed my oar off in the distance to pout, but we made it to the sand bar, made up and then rallied to make it back safely. The way back was much better. We were relaxed, didn't have the wind at us, until the very end and managed to really work together.

Anyway, we were talking about how we should have a blog where we can talk about our adventures. Cameron then set up a tumblr account. You can now view random photos and our goofball experiences at:

http://cksquared.tumblr.com/

I'm still going to keep this blog for me, but man....I need to write in here more. There just isn't a lot to talk about these days. Just workin, learning to cook, keeping up the apt, hanging out in our awesome neighborhood and counting down days until I'm Mrs. Kline.

Cooking. That's what I should talk about more. If any of you know a little bit about me, you'll know that I am NOT a cook. I'm just not good at it. Well, Cameron is and ever since we started dating, I've learned a lot and have come a LONG way and can now manage a little in the kitchen. The chopper and food processor that my mom got me are finally being used! I actually managed to come across a recipe for Mexislaw that Cameron has now said is his favorite thing to eat-EVER. I am so happy and proud! :) hehe.

Not only have I had to learn how to cook, but I've been having to learn to cook vegetarian food. Tofu, tempeh, veggies. It's been fun though.

Okay, I'm off to go enjoy the sun!

I lose faith and I lose ground, but then I see you and remember unconditional love. - Cyndi Lauper, Unconditional Love

In junior high and high school, I spent a lot of time at the mall. I didn't have much else to do, but waste time around there. I remember there was a jewelry store on the corner right by the food court. I couldn't remember the name, but they always had a bowl of little red and white pins that said "I am loved". We used to run in and grab a handful of them. We'd put them on everything. I didn't quite understand how important those words can be and what that little pin meant.

Last weekend, Cameron and I went to pick out our wedding bands. I found one that is a solitaire guard/wrap, so it looks like all one ring. We made the purchase and I turned around to leave and I saw a big bowl of "I am loved" pins! It made me smile inside and I ran over and picked out a couple. The memories of running into Helzberg when I was younger flashed through my head. Now, 12 years later, I am marrying the man of my absolute dreams! I know what it feels like to know that I am loved. I had no clue that my life was going to take me down this road. This is the best feeling in the world. I was so happy to be single and I didn't think I was missing out on anything, but man, I was. The time alone was needed though so that I could grow up and mature. God was preparing my heart and Cameron's.

I did a search on those pins and found out there was a long history to them!
http://www.helzberg.com/category/about+us/i+am+loved.do

Such a small thing and it means so much.

'Tis the season to be stressed out... fa la la la la. la la. la. la.

Thankfully, I have the most amazing fiance who keeps me grounded when in my head I start to stress. Especially when I stress months in advance. My classic "man, I'm so stressed.....I know that March is going to be crazy!" I really need to calm down and take things one day at at time.

I've gotten a lot done for the wedding. My goal is to get as much as I can before January. Right now, I'm mostly thinking small details. The big stuff is taken care of. I think for us it's pretty simple because we're pretty simple. I knew exactly what dress I wanted. My cake appt took 15 minutes and she told me I was the easiest bride she had worked with. I think the most important thing is just standing with Cameron and promising to love each other the rest of our lives in front of all the people we care most about.

It's easy to get wrapped up in details, but as I think about the details I just am reminded how amazing and beautiful our relationship is. I teared up today thinking about a year ago when I didn't even know about Cameron. I had no idea what was to come. When I was getting ready to move to Florida I had this huge feeling that I could just relax and let God fulfill His plan for me with my love life. He brought me Cameron. A man, who I absolutely adore, think is the most interesting man I've ever met and who has told me he feels that he honors God by honoring me. Is this real?

So, back to the stress. Work has been nuts in the past 2 months! We've been getting some sick patients lately. We've been writing fitreps, new SOPs, attending meetings for our computerized charting. In February, we're supposed to move to the new ICU, take our conscious sedation course, come in on our own time to do cases. In March, we have the go live dates for our computerized charting, PRT, uniform inspection. April is my wedding and honeymoon. Pfeww. May is my birth month. After that, maybe we can relax! I just miss the first few months in Jacksonville when things were laid back at work. I hope next I can go overseas and relax some.

I haven't even really done a whole bunch with Christmas this year. Cam and I did get a Christmas tree and I decorated the apartment a little. I've done shopping for my nieces and nephews and Cameron, but other than that, it's just tight with all the wedding stuff to buy much more. So, really all sorts of other things are more stressful than Christmas.

I need to stay on top of my blog more. Life can move so fast at times. I think my goal for the New Year is to take it one day at a time and just relax and enjoy every second. Hope everyone is having a wonderful holiday season!

"You are everything I never knew I always wanted. "

I guess it's about time that I update this thing....

A lot has changed in my life over the last month. I was promoted to Lieutenant. I moved over to 5 points in Riverside to an incredibly awesome neighborhood with lots of stores, restaurants and nightlife. I also met the most amazing man I could have ever dreamed up.

I find it so funny when I look back. When I wrote that last post in August, I was single, independent and pretty comfortable with where things were in my life. Then, I got an email from someone who changed my whole world. The first date was just coffee. That "just coffee" first date was 4 hours long! :) I wasn't going to see him right away....but then the next day when I called him....I really wanted to see him. We've spent so much time together over the past 29 days and to us, it seems like we have been together for years and not just a few weeks. How is that possible?

On one hand, it feels new, exciting, perfect....and then at the same time, we feel comfortable, honest, secure and relaxed in the relationship. There's no jealousy, no worries or fear about military life and what that can throw at us. We're realistic about how our relationship at times will be very hard and almost seem impossible at times, but we want to do it. We're making that conscious decision to do it.

I really do feel incredibly lucky that I have found someone who is so mature, calm and keeps me relaxed.

I could go on and on, but I'll save you from it. It's just been something that I never expected, but I'm so thankful to God that He brought us together.


I want to include one of my favorite quotes and then I'll move on to something else:

Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being in love which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two.

-- Captain Corelli's Mandolin

Now, let's see. What else? Not much. Work has been kinda slow lately, but I think I'm gonna start buckling down and start my studying back up for the CCRN exam! I kinda stopped with all the moving and craziness that was September. I need to get my butt in gear. I also need to start working out again...since it's PRT season! eeeeik!

That's all, really. Things are going really well, just now starting to calm down. Every weekend I have been working or moving or have had someone in town, etc. Everything calms down just in time for me to start nights. Woot!

“Those who are too smart to engage in politics are punished by being governed by those who are dumber.” -Plato.

Maybe so, Plato....maybe so....

I've always thought I was pretty "middle of the road" when it comes to politics, but this is crazzzzzy!

The Political Compass
Economic Left/Right: -0.50
Social Libertarian/Authoritarian: -0.41



Here's the link for the quiz: http://www.politicalcompass.org/test

I really just try and stay out of politics in general. I support whoever leads my country at the time because I think of myself as a patriot and that's what we are called to do by being in the armed forces of this country. It's NOT LIKE MY VOTE COUNTS! Grr. Still bitter, finding that out days before the last election.

Yeah, that's right. Many states do not count absentee ballots unless it is nearly a tie....MEANING, if those active duty military members send in absentee ballots, they are most likely not being counted. Isn't that the shaft?? I was on a deployment and my freaking ballot was sitting in a warehouse. Sigh.

“He who knows nothing is closer to the truth than he whose mind is filled with falsehoods and errors” Thomas Jefferson

How to exactly portray my thoughts today.....hmm. That's what seems to be bothering me right now.

Basically. I'm so sad that our country is so torn apart. This is not a political comment. Not a religious one. Not one that is blaming a person, party, group of individuals. It's just an overall sadness.

I started having a discussion with my parents the other day and like we always do, we have to agree to disagree. I tell my father he watched too much Glen Beck and we move on. Haha. (in all honesty, I love that man when he's talking pure history...very interesting...just don't like listening to anyone when they start talking politics) Anyway...it had to do with religion and politics. I believe it's hard to have one without the other, but I do believe some times that one should not force one on the other. It's hard to explain what I mean.

On another side note...I feel we sometimes glamorize the founding fathers by making it seem they are perfect, without error and only cared about the country....because I promise you this...they were still politicians. These were men, who if you read up on them, were not all faithful husbands, honest and wanted Christianity to guide the founding of our country. (I suggest a book entitled "American Gospel: God, The Founding Fathers, and the Making of a Nation") That's all just a side comment.

I basically wanted my dad to sit back and realize the world is not ending tomorrow. All of these problems that are occurring right now have been there in the past. Racial issues? YES. Sexual orientation issues? YES. Murder? Yes. Poverty? Yes. Famine? Yes. Evil rulers and governments? Yes. Christians being persecuted? Yes.
In fact, you can find a Biblical story that nearly mirrors similar problems facing our world today. There isn't anything new about these issues. They won't be fixed either. We don't live in the Garden of Eden. That ended a LONG time ago. We live in a world full of sin and hatred. It's awful, yes. I wish there was a magical way to make it all stop and have world peace. It's something to strive for, but in the end, it just will not happen. That's sad, but true.

I stick strong to the belief that history has a wave to it. As a country for a decade or two, we will be a strong, prosperous, positive unit...and then there will be a dark time where we are weak, failing, negative one. Right now, I believe we are in a dark time.

I don't lose my happiness over it. I believe some day we will rise again as a great unit who work together and love one another. Maybe I'm a romantic for our country. Maybe it will never happen, but I think in my heart we will some day.

We need something to bring us together. If anything, turn off the news. Forget CNN, Fox News, MSNBC. The only news that sells that anyone cares about is negative news. If that is all you keep looking for, then that will be your outlook on life. Instead, check out www.happynews.com. It will still show you what is happening in the world, but will put you on the right track to think positively.

Focus on what you can achieve. Love. That is something that each of us can do and whether or not it makes an impact on a nation or our world, it can make a difference in one person at at time. Quit looking for someone to blame. Quit looking for a reason to hate or worry or fear the future. It has to be an active decision.

And a special note for fellow Christians: We especially need not worry. When you worry and question, you are doubting God's power. If you are angry about something that someone is doing that is wrong. Let it go. Justice does come, so why should you carry that burden of being angry? As I reminded someone recently....Jesus walked the earth when Christians were being persecuted. Did you see him storming up anger and hatred about it? No. He knew in the end that God would continue to be a just God and there was no good in growing angry and bitter. SO, when this world seems evil and sad, stop and pray to let that bitterness go. Being one of God's children, what do you have to worry about? You have eternity in Heaven to look forward to and nothing here on earth can take that away.

"How despicably have I acted!' she cried. - 'I, who have prided myself on my discernment! - I, who have valued myself on my abilities!."

A Song of Opposites by John Keats

Welcome joy, and welcome sorrow,
Lethe's weed and Hermes' feather;
Come to-day, and come to-morrow,
I do love you both together!
I love to mark sad faces in fair weather;
And hear a merry laugh amid the thunder;
Fair and foul I love together.
Meadows sweet where flames are under,
And a giggle at a wonder;
Visage sage at pantomine;
Funeral, and steeple-chime;
Infant playing with a skull;
Morning fair, and shipwreck'd hull;
Nightshade with the woodbine kissing;
Serpents in red roses hissing;
Cleopatra regal-dress'd
With the aspic at her breast;
Dancing music, music sad,
Both together, sane and mad;
Muses bright and muses pale;
Sombre Saturn, Momus hale; -
Laugh and sigh, and laugh again;
Oh the sweetness of the pain!
Muses bright, and muses pale,
Bare your faces of the veil;
Let me see; and let me write
Of the day, and of the night -
Both together: - let me slake
All my thirst for sweet heart-ache!
Let my bower be of yew,
Interwreath'd with myrtles new;
Pines and lime-trees full in bloom,
And my couch a low grass-tomb.

I see myself in another time. I see myself Elizabeth Bennet from Pride and Prejudice. Early 19th century England. Back when the slightest touch of a hand or a look was more intimate than anything else. I want to be romanced. It is rare to find a man who has a way with a pen and actually longs to write. I just watched Bright Star, which is a movie based on the romance between John Keats and Fanny Brawne. The looks. The way that when they held hands it was the most delicate and intimate thing they could do. The love. Alas.

The funny thing is that when I am romanced I don't know what to do. I think again that's Elizabeth's fault. Mr. Darcy appeared aloof, proud and mysterious. Without her even acknowledging it, Elizabeth falls in love with Mr. Darcy. He doesn't come out and give her flowers or shower her with poetry. In fact, he is cold and insults her. So, when did this all begin? The "nice guys finish last". It's true. Women want to be romanced, but then wouldn't know what to do with it. Even in modern times with Sex and the City, Mr. Big was always the aloof, proud and mysterious character. Just like in Pride and Prejudice, Mr. Big's first name is rarely mentioned. There are a lot of similarities between these two characters. If I could go back to AP english with Mrs. Burris, I would write an essay outlining this. Of course, my paper would be crap since it has been years that I've actually written an english paper, but the idea would be there.

I think many of the independent women out there are a lot like Elizabeth and Carrie. They fight it.

I would love to go back to a day where men opened doors, stood up when you came to and left the dinner table, when men would "call" on you.

The other reason I'm thinking this way is my weekend in Savannah. That city is so rich with history. I see myself in bustles and large dresses walking the brick laid streets. I loved the afternoon I had where it was just me and the city. I visited the art museum and sat in the Telfair Square and wrote in my journal and read. You can almost hear the city speak to you.

I want to be that "southern belle" who's gentlemen comes to "call" on her.

But, as soon as I would get that I would get stubborn and want to prove I didn't have to be treated differently as a woman. I'd want to show my strength and maintain that I could keep up with the men.

Oh. I'm so confusing. No wonder men can't quite get us at times. Here's the difference. I'm giving out all the secrets now!

I want to be independent, but for you to be there to take care of me when I need it.
I want to show I can do things for myself, but really love for you to do them for me.
I want to open the door for you, but only to see how you will react and I want you to then insist on holding the door for me and wait for me to enter (I do this all the time....and it's interesting to see how different men react. I'm usually let down if you let me hold it and you don't insist on holding it for me.)

Basically, I want a man who does things for me because he loves me and not because he thinks I can't do it myself. Just as long as he knows and acknowledges how strong, intelligent and handy I am.

I was never a "daddy's girl". I carried my own bags. Opened my own doors, etc. It's taken me a few relationships to learn to let things be done for me and not feel that I have to show off that I can do it all the time. I enjoy it now. It's also just maturity in general. Never in a million years would I ever thought the idea of courting or being "called" on would be romantic.

These days so many girls forget about romance. We go to the bars (because that seems to be the only place men and women can talk) and meet people who are only surface deep. I don't want that. I long for something more. I know God has something more for me and the excitement of waiting is something I'm so glad I have now. It's fun to dream of what my future husband will be like. Will he be tall? Short? Funny? (has to be funny!) How will we meet? Have we already met? Ah. It's so fun to dream.

In the meantime I'll continue to grow and mature so that when I do meet this man, I'm ready and hopefully, he will be too. I'll also enjoy my all night movie marathons of old time romance. :)

Timing.

God's timing is just crazy.

Back in early 2008 I realized I needed to get back to church after a long hiatus during college. I did some searches online and came across 242 at First Baptist Rockville. I found the page talking about the girls small group. I emailed the leader and she invited me to one of the weekly small groups and the second I walked in the door I felt welcome.

Well, this was the weird thing. They were just starting a lesson on small groups. They had decided they would spend a few weeks really forming a foundation to the group and decide what they wanted their goals to be and their vision for the future of the group. We all thought it was kinda strange that I happened to show up right as they were starting over in a sense.

I ended up growing close to those girls and I miss seeing them every week.

After I moved down here to Jacksonville, I tried a few churches and then entered Christ's Church. I had grown up Baptist, so I wasn't sure how to handle a "non denominational" church, but I loved it. I was also really drawn to the fact that went I entered their Bible Study I was automatically welcomed by everyone. They even asked me out to dinner that afternoon!

Well, I didn't realize it, but apparently that Sunday, which was the first Sunday in 2010 marked the beginning of the new leaders in Revolution (the 20's single group) and their "starting over".

I just think it's so interesting that I showed up to both of these groups on the exact day of their "reboot". I have been so back with church because of such a busy spring and summer with scuba, travels, work, etc....this fall should be a little more smooth. I'm hoping to make it to more of their group outings. I really enjoy the people in Revolution!

God's timing always makes me smile.


I know I haven't updated in a while. I haven't been up to much. Texas in June. North Carolina in July.

Today, I went up to work and did some quick videos for the ICU skills fair tomorrow. I figured making a video in which I can just press "play" would be much easier than saying the same thing over and over. I had a fun time playing with it on windows movie maker. I think I missed my calling to be a film editor. I love that kinda stuff!

This week, I switch back to nights. Not sure what I think about that. I haven't had much luck with nights in the past here. I'm hoping to get some study time in. I'd like to take my CCRN (critical care registered nurse) exam at the end of August, but I still have so much to review still.

When I fit it in, I've been hanging out with my girls here. I've gotten to know a few of them better and I'm so excited because two of my friends that I worked with in Bethesda are moving here to Jax next month!!!

OH! Duh. I didn't mention that I finally got my lasik done last week. It was awesome and I can see so well! No glasses. It's amazing. The doctors were shocked as well. I'm one of the higher prescriptions that they have seen.

"You may say I'm a dreamer. But, I'm not the only one. I hope some day you'll join us and the world will live as one. " Imagine. John Lennon.

I've adopted! You never thought I'd have a child, right? Well, I do now!

Congratulations! You have sponsored Bontu from Ethiopia

Bontu lives with her parents, 3 brothers, and 3 sisters. Her parents struggle to provide for the family. Her father is a farmer and her mother is a housewife. Despite their efforts, it is difficult to meet the family's needs.

Bontu and her family live in a community severely affected by the HIV and AIDS crisis. In some communities, AIDS affects the entire social structure as a generation of hardworking adults is being wiped out. Frightened children and exhausted grandparents rarely have money for food, school, or medical care. Through sponsorship, you can help with these and other basic needs for Bontu and her family.

Bontu is in primary school and she enjoys studying the native language. She helps at home by carrying water. She likes to play soccer. She is in satisfactory health.

Your sponsorship commitment will help provide Bontu and her community with the assistance they need to save a generation from the HIV and AIDS crisis. World Vision will faithfully use your sponsorship support of Bontu to meet her needs and minimize the impact of AIDS in her community through tangible prevention and care programs. You are an answer to prayer, helping children and families gain access to basic needs and learn about God's unconditional love.

Bontu was born on May 27th, 2001. That day, I was sitting in a long graduation ceremony for the AHS graduating class of 2001. I was playing in orchestra that day. I never imagined that 9 years later I would sponsor a little girl who was born that day. I couldn't even imagine 5 hrs in the future at that point!

I chose a little girl who has the same birthday as me. I think it will be awesome to know she and I share the same special day! This is also something silly, but I chose Ethiopia because in the Bible there was a "Candace" who was Queen of the Ethiopians. In doing some research, Ethiopia had a string of Queens named Candice (http://www.gospelgazette.com/gazette/2001/dec/page2.htm) and they were all female warriors. (My parents really chose a perfect name for me) I wanted to choose a girl that had ties to me. In whatever weird way.

I'll have to show a picture once I get a copy. I can't copy the picture from the website for security reasons. I am so excited. The amount they need per month is nothing. I can't wait to send her presents, cards and letters.

For a long time I thought about sponsorship and tonight I was watching "God Grew Tired of Us" and I cried. Some people are born all over the world in horrible conditions and don't even know if they can eat that day. I had come home and looked all in my kitchen at all my food and sighed and told my friend on the phone "man...I don't have anything to eat". That was a complete lie and how dare I even say that. God blessed me beyond imagination by giving me to my parents, in an amazing country (and state. hehe) and I don't know why I would have deserved that over some of these others that are less fortunate.

I may never understand the unfairness of life, but my heart is open. I want to do more. Times like these I want to resign my commissioning and join the Peace Corps to treat children in 3rd world countries. Maybe one of these days I will shock you all with some strange news....

Anyway, I had a friend in DC that worked at World Vision, who now is doing amazing things in Kenya, and she testified to the heart behind the organization. If you can spare, seriously.... $35 a month. $35 a month! That's 8 trips to Starbucks a month. You can feed a child. We walk in a grocery store floor to ceiling with food. They don't know when their next meal will come. We have to help.

www.worldvision.org

"Dog is a good old cat. People what do you think about that? That's where I'm at." Norma Tanega

I wonder if Norma's cat was co-dependent. I'm really starting to worry about Patton. This isn't a post about how cute my cat is or where I talk about how much I love him.....um. I'm seriously worried he's become co-dependent.

I've been sad to leave him at times, yes....but I'm actually worried to leave him in a few weeks again. Not for me! I'll be fine. I'm worried he'll go crazy. I used to think it was cute he followed me everywhere, wanted to constantly be touching me wherever I was, begged for attention, etc. At some points it even seemed as if the cat was in love with me, which was kinda creepy...I'm thinking I'll end up taking him to cat therapy. He has this little boo. He loves this stuffed dog. He used to just "knead" on it...then he kinda started humping it.....well, last night it had gotten way too graphic! He's now making noises and all sorts of stuff! He must have gotten closer to his boo when I was gone last week.

I can now see he has a huge problem and I've been enabling it and I don't know how to stop it. I'm slowly going to try to make sure when I'm home to distance myself from him so I'm not right there all the time. I wanted a cat! Not a dog.....I wanted my pet to be independent. sheesh.

"I love you like a fat kid loves cake." ~50 Cent

I'm on leave in Arlington and I'm headed back to Jax on a flight tonight. I've had a great visit and I'll talk about that at a later time. Right now, I have to get this out. Over the past few years I've been changing. Changing the way I look at household goods, stores, food, etc.

Today, I watched Food, Inc. Wow. Fifteen minutes in, I was crying. I don't cry much more at romantic movies....but ones about food....I bawled my eyes out. I don't think we realize what we put in our bodies. Obesity, diabetes, heart disease......food driven! You may think that you're saving money and therefore, enriching your life, but you are killing yourself. I am amazed that people would rather save money than enrich their bodies. I've been doing the same thing. I've been going to Winn Dixie because I can save money on my gas. Now, I've been trying to pick and choose there things that are fresh, cage free, organic, etc...but it's just hard to get it all that way. I'm done. I'm done trying to save money by compromising my health. Jacksonville has a local supermarket, Native Sun Natural Foods (www.nativesunjax.com ) right down the street from me. I'm going when I get home. I can't wait to talk to the workers, learn about their store, get to know my community and hope to spread the word that there are stores out there that are looking to heal and enrich human bodies.

Look at what it is doing to our country. Children are becoming diabetic at an alarming rate! Why do you think that is?? What has changed? Our food.

I'm a passionate person, as many of my friends know....and I think I am slowly becoming more passionate about this. A few extra dollars is worth your health and wellness. Please, listen. I'm learning and continuing to change. In no way am I perfect or eat the right things all the time. I need to learn how to socialize and eat out and still eat responsibly for me, farmers, animals and our earth.

We can all work to improve food for the next generations to come.....

www.takepart.com/foodinc